The Inducer [18+ Only]

Chapter Twenty - Seven: New York

Chapter Twenty — Seven: New York

"No!"

"I'm not asking for your permission Carlos, I'm going." He turned around abruptly, I was right behind him.

He looked so wounded, "I should have known something was up." The distasteful tone could be heard vividly. "I can't believe I actually expected better from you." Walking away from me, he now had his head on the wall of our bedroom.

Those words resonated deep within me, I felt it, my heart did. "But that's what I'm doing, I need to give you better."

"Bullshit!" He punched the wall. "You're just fucking selfish and cold hearted!" Flashing his hand to subside the pain, "You think running off to New York is giving me better Tori-ann?!"

"Carlos..." I trailed, "Please understand me and where I'm coming from." I plead while trying to grab his hand to see the wound he had inflicted.

"You!" Pulling his hand away from me, "—you take me for a damn joke, don't you?" I was mortified, shaking my head. "I was restless for weeks Tori, fucking weeks because I couldn't see you and I needed you. I couldn't find you, no one fucking could!" The tears fell and I was even more distraught.

"I finally got you back and I know you went through a lot." He walked to me and grasped my hands in his, "And yes I know you're still going through shít but I am too." He confessed with clouded eyes, "Imagine coming home every day to my unhappy girlfriend, who is always crying, doesn't allow me to touch her and resents me for some reason but that doesn't mean I'm going to run off." My words were lost, like what do you say to such emotion? I wanted to yell out my frustration.

"You wanted to die but you didn't."

I sighed.

"So your life isn't the only one that seems to be out of your control but I freaking love you to death and I see now that it isn't reciprocated." He whispered the last part but I heard it still, "You always leave me."

"What do you want me to say Carlos?"

He shrugged, "Go to New York, I hope you have the time of your life there."

"I'm so-" He raised his hands, "Save it."

When he was just about to walk out, "Do what you do best. And thank you for breaking me once again but it's my fault, I should have known better." He slammed the door and I was on the floor with my head between my knees crying my soul out.

I wanted to scream all this anger out.

Dear God,

Why was I so selfish. He has been trying so hard with me these past few months and not once did his smile falter. But today, all I saw was pain, brutal pain.

My conscience was rebelling against me. Throughout all these years, Carlos has never loved me less even in my times of great selfishness.

Going to New York was the best option to me, in my head anyway but I needed to stop with the running and start facing my struggles spot on. He has never disappointed me, he was always there and I couldn't deny that.

I'm very grateful to have him in my life.

I couldn't allow myself to be stupid and lose him. He needed me as much as I needed him and going away will only build a bridge between us and we're already struggling.

The time had come for there to be a change.

All the bad energy that was inside of me, I had to control it. This conversation made me realize that life wasn't as simple and a lot of things will test you.