The Inducer [18+ Only]

Chapter Eighteen: I Walked Way

Chapter Eighteen: I Walked Away

     I felt like I was myself again.

     I knew there was a glow somewhere on me and maybe a hideous smile that kept appearing itself on my face every time he would kiss me.

This felt like some teenage love that had you giddy with just the mere glimpse of him.

He made me so happy.

On the inside, there was a small part of me that felt bad for Joshua. He was a good guy, he was just trying to change a girl who wasn't ready but I tried, for years to be exact. Sometimes I wonder what he did for sexual release? Being twenty-four he must have done something.

He barely ever touched me and either way, sex was forbidden. He wanted us to get married but we weren't even engaged hence I didn't see how he really wanted me to be apart of his life in the long run.

When he told me he was going to get an apartment and he wanted me to move in, I was saying, maybe he was ready but then I realized that it was to just get me away from Carlos.

He had no confidence in me whatsoever, he just thought that Carlos would lure me in a trap and seduce me. He was very insecure because he knew he wasn't going to fuck me anytime in the near or far future. He was afraid to lose me.

If Carlos was any normal man, I wouldn't even spare him a glance or anything like that because I could have waited for Joshua.

My love for Joshua wasn't as strong but with all the power invested in me, I would have waited for him. The feelings were there in all honesty and that was the reason why I was in such a dilemma all those months but that was all in the past now. Temptation was one hell of a thing and it didn't help that the man tempting me was the man I first gave myself to and who I love more than anyone else.

I remembered when I didn't want to be with Carlos anymore because I wanted to explore. I didn't want to be tied down at such an early age but that didn't make me love him any less especially with the fact that our friendship continued throughout the years.  And during our relationship he never did me any wrong, if anything he treated me like a princess.

Joshua treated me more like a child and he was my father to how scolding he was. It seemed like he completely forgot that I was his girlfriend who needed to be loved instead of being bossed around. 

With the whole apartment thing, he never asked what I wanted because I wasn't of concern for him. He was the dictator and I was his follower. He even said that he knew when we needed to take the big steps in our relationship, the nerve of him. It was our relationship not his relationship. So where was my say? Nowhere, right?... I was just there to listen...

I've grown more now and I am a bit wiser. I knew what I really wanted and Joshua wasn't it. When I broke up with Tony, I remembered how broken he was but I was just a bitch that was being so selfish and it lead me to some places that has me rather ashamed. I never left him because I fell out of love for him, I loved him with all my heart but I wanted more and when I said more, I meant sex - variety and I got exactly that which led me to rehab.

But now I was finally happy.

I was looking at Carlos sleeping and I sighed thinking about how intense our previous endeavours were. I couldn't feel my legs but it was a good foreign feeling, I really wasn't complaining. I knew I had to leave him, I had to leave Joshua, he couldn't give me the entire fulfilment that I really needed.

Carlos pulled me to him, bastard wasn't sleeping. "Baby I think you should sleep because I am not done with you. Just letting you rest til morn." He said with a smirk plastered on his face before he kissed my temple.