The Inducer [18+ Only]

Chapter Twenty - Six: Numb

Chapter 26: Numb 

       "I'm glad you're doing better." He spoke, I wasn't really hearing him though. I was in my own torment. "Miss Battes!"

"Huh? What?"

"You're not doing better, are you?" He spoke again.

"Can you please shut up!" I screamed, "I want to go, send me home, I need to go HOME!"

I was tired, he needed to come and pick me up. I couldn't go through another session. I tried my best. I just don't want to, I don't want to talk. I can't talk, not about it, to anyone.

Talking about it means reliving and I cannot do that, no I cannot. But I'm trying for the love ones that I possess.

Carlos. My Tony. I love this man so much, but he deserves more than what I have left to give.

He pushes me. He motivates me. He has dedicated himself to repairing me and that's the part I'm struggling to accept the most, he shouldn't have to be placed in such of a position.

Joshua has scarred me for life. Literally.

I was scuffling for my phone, finally grasped it, "Tony I need you to pick me up."

Hesitance, "Why? Tori please talk to him, he needs to help you."

With loud sobs, "No, no, no!" Furiously shaking my head. "I'm tired, I can't talk about it. It pains to try Tony."

He sighed, "Please let him help you."

"I-I'm go-gonna take a fucking taxi." I ended the call. I took about 10 minutes to compose myself while sitting in the room of silence with Mr. Thomas, my Psychologist.

"I'm gonna go." Was the last thing I said before I left. I hate myself but I don't have the strength to be more than present while being absent at the time. I wish everybody would give me a break, even though I understood.

It has been hard on everything, especially trying to help a completely damaged soul. Isn't it ironic? Joshua repaired me only to damage me even worse than before. I don't even think a confessional can be done due to how far I drift upon remembrance.

My soul's empty hence, what can I offer to anyone? It has been 6 months and I haven't admitted to anyone that I wanted to kill myself. Sometimes, I still feel like I do.

Now standing in the middle of the street unknown to me, all I hear are the cars blowing their horns; was it me who they were signalling to? I can't hear anything, I'm drowning in depressive pain, I'm numb.

I feel myself being lifted and everything else was a blur. Carlos, what was he doing here. I was in pain and noone understood.

"What is wrong with you? You could have gotten hit?" I stood there looking at him, I had gotten so use to not letting my voice be heard, it was hard for me to have dialogue with anyone since everything.

"Take me home please." He grabbed me and shook the life out of me, "What the fuck is wrong with you? I am tired of your bullshit."

I pulled my arm away, "You. You're my fucking problem!" I shouted, "I don't wanna be fixed Tony, is that so hard to understand?"

Completely dumbfounded, he stood there. "So are you saying to hell with every damn person in your life?"

I didn't even flinch, "Yeah, all of you."

"Get home yourself then. I can't be around you." He told me, "You're selfish, you never stay or try, you don't care about anyone but you're fucking self." He walked away, leaving me there with people staring.