The Inducer [18+ Only]

Chapter Twenty - Three: Hatred

Chapter Twenty - Three: Hatred      

        No words could heal how he had made me feel. I felt punctured by hatred and hurt that I had never consumed me before. He had ruined me.

I felt nothing but raw hatred.

He had been relishing on my despair, my wounds. I been crying for days, crying for what had been and what could have been.

I hated Joshua.

Never did I thought he'd be doing these things to me. But then again I should have known better. I've had so much nonchalance towards my surroundings that I was blinded to the actual truth. A full blown idiot, that was what I was.

Death? The thought felt much better than the reality of being alive. Going through starvation was no joke; not even water. I think he gave me food between days randomly, my fingers can count how many times I've eaten. I remember thinking: help me, but who really could? Who was here to hear my pleas?

I looked at my arms and the cuts were just healing. Why was he doing this to me? He was slowly but surely killing me. I sucked in a shaky breath.

"Please God," I sobbed silently. "Help me!"

Immediately, I heard the door creaked, indicating that he entered the room. "You've been here for exactly a month today, no-one won't be helping you." The update was appreciated. "No one won't find you either because it's a surety that you'll die by my hands."

"Thanks for letting me know." I responded but was too weak to look up. If only I had known this would have been my faith with him, I would have never.

He stooped down in front of me. "There's a small part of me that actually wants to feel sorry for you but then again, when did you ever have sympathy on me Tori?"

I refused to talk to him, it was now a matter of, when will he kill me? To take me away from my misery.

"Finally succumbed to your future, I see." He slapped me unexpectedly, the blood was now huddling in my mouth but I won't spit and give him the satisfactory. I swallowed. The tears gave me away though, that I was in fact feeling what I had refused to show.

I wanted so badly to kill him just then, mark his death in my first and last things to do.

After minutes of him lingering in my peripheral, I looked up and beared him my eyes. He looked well, strong and this made me remember why I was so hopeless in this situation. I was miniscule compared to him.

I looked around and everything was the same, each corner holds a memory, a memory of him raping me. He had his way with me, it was like I was his festive season. The room was bare other than that. I only get to really look around and see things when he came in because that stupid bulb that dangled over that fucking chair only came alive when he's here.

The switch was on the other side regrettably.

"Do you have something to say?" He asked as if I would actually want to converse with him. What absurdity.

After slow seconds travelling away until the minutes came, he realized how pointless it was. I hated his guts! God, please help me kill him because you knew he deserved it.

Pulling me to him, he kissed me and I reciprocated because I didn't want a repeat of him cutting me to happen. I cried for my Mother that day. My skin, specifically my arms and legs were filled with slashes, now looking like sratches. On his infliction, he said, "They won't be too deep to scar."

And despite doing that, he still raped me with the blood all over my body. I was numb and I felt dead but I still had fragments of my sanity left that I was holding onto it to keep me through this hell.

Looking at the skin whenever the room came alive left me to wonder what he considered a scar to be.

Counting on my internal mantra to comfort me. I sang it to myself as the tears continued to trail the permanent stains on my cheeks because I was going to be raped against my will again but...

"Everything will be okay..."

*****

        After using my body for his personal refuge, I was quivering on the floor. I had never been so shaken in my life, not even Porn had this effect. I guess because this was happening when my state of mind wasn't high on drugs but maybe if I had some right now, I'd be coping better.

"I should have left you to rot back in rehab." He looked down on my naked body with distaste. "You were fucked out and a crack head but I was the fool who saw something in you."

I was full on sobbing now, "Re-member...yo-ou're just the same." Inhaling to calm myself, "You're eee-ven worst, your mentally deranged."

He laughed, "You fucking made me this way. Why did you have to fuck him?"

I shook my head refusing to answer, grabbing my chin, he forced me to look him in the eyes.

"You never trusted me Joshua, you never showed me true love. You were always so determine to fix me that you didn't even realize I had gotten better." I told him, "You were always referencing God and marriage but you never once proposed to me. You refused to have sex with me all those years but look at you now? You're fucking sick."

He blinked looking at me in disbelief, "This is the most words you've spoken in weeks." He sighed but said nothing for minutes...

"That was how you saw me?"

With the silent tears, I sat up curling myself with my knees to my chest hugging myself. "Yes that was how I saw you, you always thought I was cheating on you. You needed me to be perfect but I already wasn't and you had refused to accept that, there was a point where I even started to despise you."

"When did this start?" He asked, "how could you not realize I was in love with you."

"While I was living with Rachel." I told him.

"You made it feel like being with me was a curse and I was a demon filled with the worse sins that you were sent to cleanse. You were being God and not my boyfriend."

I took a deep breath in, "You cannot be in love with someone you never saw yourself trusting Josh." I sighed, "I did love you but you drove me away. I hope you realize that all of this was more deeper than Carlos."

He sighed raking his fingers through his hair, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Shaking my head, "My opinions meant nothing to you, you were of dominance and I'm required to meet your needs and wants without question, remember?"

When he had told me those exact words, I never thought nothing of it because at that time I was just happy to have someone caring for me in my day to day life. It wasn't until later on that I realize where those words would place me.

I weakly stood leaning on the wall for balance, "Joshua, you are the worse person I've ever met in my life. I regret the day I met you, you should have left me to rot as you said because look at me..." I trailed but he actually looked, "I am ruined, you keeping telling me how you helped me get better and you did but now, you killed me and I'll never be the same again."

He was still staring blankly, "Whatever emotions I had in me for you is now long gone and I feel nothing but hate. I hate you with all of my being." I started crying again, "The scars you have imprinted on me mentally, emotionally and physically will remain."

I knew he could hear the venom in my voice, "So are you happy now? Are you proud of yourself? Should I say thank you?"

*****

Proud that I was able to update back in a couple weeks and not months. Yayyye!

FULLY UNEDITED; wrote this entire chapter on my phone. So I feel like even if I go through it again, imma miss somn.

Until next time, x.