Worst Comebacks In History

Everyone Knows Hannah Montana Had Red Hair

 Capítulo Nueve: Everyone Knows Hannah Montana Had Red Hair

SPERM: Giving Mangos Everywhere The Best Of Both Worlds

In Spanish classroom. M & P are singing ‘Best Of Both Worlds’ from the hit TV Show, ‘Hannah Montana’.

J: Why are you singing about janitors?! I don’t understand!

M: ignoring J, as usual I am so better than Miley Cyrus. sings with actions Mix it all together and you know that it’s the best of both worlds! Whoo! It’s like, amazing!

J: abruptly changing the subject M, P has christened you Brother Manga. Don’t ask me why.

M: I am notifying SPERM immediately.

J: looking slightly creeped out SPERM?

M: Society of Prevention of Everything Racist to Mangos.

J: No, she’s calling you Brother MangA, not Brother MangO.

M: MangA in Arabic means MangO. And SPERM is an international society.

J: Ooh, fascinating.

END

Look Out For The Red Haired, Brown Skinned Beauty, Ruling The Earth Soon!

In Spanish classroom. Everyone is bored.

S: That’s right, darlings! Juvenil means young!

M: to J Your face is juvenil.

J: not paying the slightest bit of attention to M’s insult, which could possibly be a compliment When she laughs, she sounds like Marge Simpson. She even has a bush of fake hair.

M: insulted Are you trying to insinuate that my hair is fake?! in badass American accent Don’t you diss me! Do you know who I am? Do you know who I am? You diss me, I’m gon’ give you ma ‘bitch, please’ look. condescending look Bitch, please.

J: I was actually referring to the delight that educates us this enthralling language.

M: Oh. You mean Brownen?

J: exasperated, but still obliging Yes, sweetie, I mean Brownen.

M: Heh. Her hair’s a lovely shade of orange today, isn’t it?

J: I know. And the alice-band just perfects the look.

M: after several moments of inspecting Señora’s head trying to find said alice-band  But there is no alice-band! suddenly singing ‘The Climb’ by Miley Cyrus There’s always gonna be another mountain, I’m always gonna wanna make it move…(etc.)

J: Go die, you irritating bitch.

M: I know, Miley Cyrus is so annoying. If only they’d chosen me as Hannah Montana. sighs dejectedly

J: You would look crap in a blonde wig. Hell, I look crap in a blonde wig. And I’m blonde.

M: I wouldn’t wear a blonde wig, you stupid girl. I would be a redhead.

J: WOW. Horrifying mental image.

P: Agreed.

J: Most definitely. M, you would look crap as a redhead too. You would look worse than BONNIE WRIGHT.

M: I’m sorry, but as crap as Bonnie Wright is at playing Ginny, she is HAWT.

J: FINE. But you would still look like a cherry-iced piece of s**t.

M:Oh, I know that. That’s the point. I will terrify young girls across the globe into doing my bidding. That, dear J, is my plan for world domination.

J: I think my plan of winning the hearts of the aristocracy, Wallis Simpson style, will work better. I am in the class of queens, therefore I shall be one. Or I’ll marry Mr. Darcy. Scribbles hearts onto M’s notebook

M: snorts Right. You’ll regret not backing me when you find a brown-skinned, red-haired beauty ruling the world.

J: Yeah, but I’ll be the richest woman in Derbyshire. I shall never leave my home of Pemberley, and my beautiful husband will bring me groceries.

M: No, you won’t. I shall execute you with a flick of my lustrous red hair, then shut down all grocery shops. Boosh.

J:And Mr. Darcy will visit my grave every day for the rest of his days, bringing yellow lilies and my two beautiful sons, Charles and James. And they shall all weep.

M: What sons? You won’t have time for passionate sex, I’ll execute you before that. And Darcy, of course. He’ll die before you, so that I can cause you as much emotional pain as possible, before inflicting upon you physical pain. lets out evil cackle, then gives a flick of her lustrous, soon-to-be red, locks Eat your heart out Bonnie Wright.

J: Then we shall have passionate sex in ghostly form. And have beautiful ghostly sons called Charles and James. lightbulb/eureka moment WOW! Inspiration! I shall write a book! About ghosts and passionate sex! You see?! Darcy and I will be ghosts of literacy. And so will Charles and James. J would like to note that she didn’t say that. Her original comment involved a complicated non-sensical poem based on Alfred Noyce’s The Highwayman, which M rightly noted nobody would give a s**t about.

M: Pfft. The only books people shall be allowed to read when I rule the world are flattering biographies about yours truly, Harry Potter, Shakespeare, and this book we are writing.

END