How to be a Proper Zombie

Eating Habits: Just because you're dead doesn't mean you can't mind your figure!

We've all been there.  Down in the dumps because the boy next door just shot you down for being to much bone and not enough flesh?  It's cool.  I've got a few tips on how to eat healthy - without overeating!

Firstly, one must stop eating human.  Sure, that delectable meat is one you can't find in any other animal, but truly they're bad for you.  They're like fried chicken.  Oh so good going down the tube, but feels like crap on the other end of things.

Of course, you're dead, so you don't feel anything down there.  Or anywhere for that matter.  Excusing the heart, of course.

Anyways, I know you want that delicious meat from a human's thigh, but really you've got to start rashining your meat.  Humans are becoming extinct and you know how strict the government is about endangered species.

Instead, try beef, chicken or pot roast.  Pot roast is yummy and chewy - just like your human meat!

Secondly, start working out.  If you're getting complaints from the humans about being to skinny, there is only one option: eat them. But only in small portions.

Finally, and this is my personal favorite, tell that cute boy to shove off and that you're beautiful the way you are.  So what if a bit of your rib cage is missing and you've lost your hour-glass figure while decomposing?  In the words of Zelena Gomez, you're just beautiful you.

Until next time, young zombie.