Poems and Short Stories

Redamancy

     Today is our graduation day, and still I can't find it in me to finally confess my undying love to my long-time bestfriend.  I've already planned this for weeks now. I will walk with the confidence of a goddess and tell him that I love him. A simple plan, really, except I know I'll fail with the execution. I have to let him know somehow, even if he doesn't reciprocate the feelings. I sigh, I'm a hopeless case. I just want to let this feeling out.

     Sitting here under our tree, our hangout place. Not exclusive for us but we claimed it as ours. There are so many memories I've shared with Tristan. If ever he feels awkward after I confess, this heartbreak is going to hurt like a motherfucker, I just know it. I can do this, I'm just going to straight out tell him how I feel.

     I still remember how we met, he's just a classmate, an acquaintance I never bothered talking to, until he missed a class because of basketball practices and needed to borrow my notes. We were friends in a way, but not like right now, we're the best of friends now. And then we teamed up for a report and everything fell into place. We started hanging out; movie marathon on Fridays, duo study every Wednesday, and fika each Mondays before we start our classes. It was really easy to adapt to our schedule, it was like we didn't even have to adapt because it's normal for us to just hangout with each other. We were just two young adults who enjoy the company of one another. It was one of those movies scenes where the protagonists say 'we just clicked'. Tristan and I were like that.

     Then I started falling. Hard. I couldn't control it, but I didn't let it show. Even if he talked about his girlfriends and flings. I ignored everything because I had no right to be jealous. We weren't in a romantic relationship, just plain platonic friendship, at least for him. I didn't want to ruin whatever it was that we have. And I didn't want to hope, but I felt that he cares for me as deeply as I care for him but it's probably just me imagining something that wasn't there. Hoping, because that's all I could ever do.

     I also remember our first fight. It was because of a girl named Ria. She never liked me, maybe because she knows that I already like her boyfriend. Yeah, I'm the bestfriend who helps the guy get the girl. And everytime he asks for help-me-get-the-girl favor, I can't bring myself to say no because I have no reason not to help him. And it hurts, because I know that he'll never notice me as more than a bestfriend.

     Ria... She's also Tristan's first ever girlfriend that I did not like, the rest of his exes befriended me, however Ria's different. She's so possessive, she doesn't let Tristan hangout with me and I know she's doing it on purpose. Either she'll ask him on a date or that she needs help with her assignments (he's your boyfriend, not your tutor), and sometimes she'll whine and cry because she's on her period and she needs support from her boyfriend. Support what for? Period is a normal occurence, you're not going for a championship tournament to need support. Well, Tristan and I fought because I gave him a piece of my mind and told him how much of a bitch his girlfriend was to me. After a week we fixed our friendship and he broke up with her because 'I just know that she's not the one yet, I just didn't realize earlier,' his words.

     And my most favorite memory, our first cake together. This might sound weird, but that was my most treasured memory. I've never celebrated birthdays. My mother was a single parent and earning money was a difficult task, but I'm proud of my mom because she managed to raise me to be a proper person with respect and dignity. But sadly, she passed away when I was nineteen and since I'm old enough to fend for myself. I already started working. Initially, it was difficult and I just wanted to give up but then I got used to it, negative thinking will get me nowhere. So I made life with what I had and could earn. It was tough but necessary. And now I'm officially a graduate, I can have a better job now with good pay.

      Our first cake... We've known each other for three years already, while we were watching '9' (it's a post-apocalyptic cartoon) he suddenly asks me when's my birthday. So I answered truthfully and told him it was 'tomorrow'. The next day, he bought me a cake. It was just a small cake, just enough for the two of us and I couldn't help but cry. It was not my first time to eat a cake, but it was the first time that someone bothered to buy me a cake. He laughed at how silly I look while crying but since it was my birthday, I'll be the gorgeous one for that day. After I blow the candle, we started eating the cake.

      And he told me this; "I think birthdays should be celebrated. It's like an achievement sort of thing, even if there's a lot of problems at hand and dramas are thrown your way, birthdays prove a persons strength cause we still fight and we don't give up. Do you get what I'm saying? Sometimes I'm just saying weird shits that come out of my mouth." And I laughed at his sillyness.

     But I do... I do understand what he's trying to tell me. The years of my existence were proof of my determination not to give up. And that's been my inspiration to keep fighting, to continue my studies, even if life is hard.

     "Alexis!" Rica's voice took me out of my reverie. She looks like a mess, how long has she been looking for me?

     "You look like you just got out of an intense banging from a tornado," I told her. She just smiled at me and rolled her eyes. Rica is my close friend, she's cool except when she's bugging me to read and give a critique for the scripts she wrote.

     She hugged me and I felt weirded out by her sudden actions. "Don't mind me, girl. I'm just happy we graduated and I'm so proud of you. " I hugged her back. I felt her raise a hand on my back. I wanted to look at what's behind us but she stopped me.

     "Rica, what are you doing? What's behind me?  You know I still have to confess my deep love and affection for Tristan. So hugs later?," I said, letting go of our hug.

     "Okay," she whispered. Okay... What weird spirit took over Rica's body?

     Just as I turned around, I heard his voice. "You know there's no need to confess, 'cause I'll be the one doing the confessing here. "

     Oh. My. Gosh. Is this real? Tristan is on bended knees. But what will his friends say? His teammates from the league? How did he have feelings for me? Is this a joke? Am I that transparent for him to take me as a joke, but I know that Tristan's not like that. He smiled, one that I got used to but can never have enough of. I just feel so happy, I couldn't stop the tears from flowing freely. I think I just lost my heart to him once more.

     "Alexis, Will you go out with me and be my boyfriend for life?"

     And who am I to say no to that? I grabbed the moment and I had no intention of ever letting it go.