Warning: This chapter may be a little gay just so y'all can prepare your shipping machines. I am also so sorry for not posting for so long. I was going through a really hard time.
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The party is tonight. It starts at 9:00 pm.
I wake up late. I lay in my bed for a long time, debating whether or not to even go. I decide to try it. I tell myself that I can leave the party any time I want to. I get out of bed and walk to my bathroom.
My arm burns in the shower. The cuts aren't deep at all but they still really hurt.
After the shower, I stand in front of the mirror in the bathroom. I've gotten skinnier and paler. It is hard to recognize myself. I pick up the razor that I shave with and try to pry out the blade.
When it finally comes out, I clench my hand around it and go back to my room. I want to keep it with me just in case.
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Spray tan is my savior. I am wearing short sleeves. I sprayed my wrist with the spray tan and you can't see the scratches. I grab a clutch purse and put my phone and the blade from my razor in it. I snap the clasps and leave the house.
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I can already hear the music from outside the party. Its vibrations send pulses to my body. I can't wait to get drunk and forget everything. I walk in the house and see my friends. They wave and run over to me.
"I am so excited that you're here!" Victoria yells. I can barely hear her over the music. In the corner of the room, I see a table with booze on it.
"Hey, girls want to get buzzed?" I ask. They all yell and giggle in approval, I just want to get drunk to forget everything. They fix themselves little fruity drinks. Little umbrellas and flowers. I guess that would make sense, this is a Hawaiian themed party kinda. I go straight for the vodka and as I am about to take a sip, I look over to all of my friends. They giggle in the background, One of them of flirting with a guy. Two of the girls are starting to kiss. I realize that I am nothing like any of them. I am no longer filled with happiness and flirting skills. I could get any guy if I wanted to. I remember before she died, I had a plan to hook up with someone tonight. I might do that just to forget the pain. I remember reading that some people deal with a loss of a partner by mindlessly having sex to try and forget. Although I didn't lose a partner, This might work. I set the vodka down.
I look for someone in the crowd. I spot this one girl, she is kind of goth, I remember Matt bullying her because she came out as Bisexual. I've never tried hooking up with a girl before, It might help me forget. I walk over to her.
"Hey Julia," She says when she sees me.
"Hey, is it Erin?" I ask.
"Yea, how are you?" She asks. I decide to be direct. I lean close to her ear so none of her friends can hear what I'm saying.
"I'm looking for a girl to hook up with tonight. Want to go?" I whisper. I pull away and she smiles.
"Sure babe." She says.
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Warning here: Little bit of sexual content so if you are triggered or bothered by that at all, please skip the last part of this chapter. Nothing really plot changing happens here just lesbian frik frak it doesn't get into in too much.
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Erin owns a hippie van, I am seated in the front passenger seat. She is driving. It is dark. We have been driving for about 30 minutes. She has been talking to me about how to hook up with a girl. I told her that this is my first time.
We park on a dead end, It's on a ledge of a mountain and I can see the lights from our town from here. They look so small and insignificant.
"Get in the back babe," Erin says. I hop from the front seats into the back, Erin follows me. It is roomy back here. I like it. There are little gray curtains and A table that you can fold out. I sit on a seat in the back, Erin is in front of me. She is a little bit taller Than I am and the low ceiling makes her have to slump down.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" She says. "I don't want to pressure you into something you don't want to do."
"Yes, I'm sure," I say. Erin nods.
"I'm going to straddle you. Is that okay babe?" She asks I nod. It is a little hard to see in the dark. I feel her legs on either side of me, then her weight settles on my lap. I like this so far. "If you ever need me to stop, you tell me okay?" She asks. I nod. "Promise?" She holds out her pinky. I laugh and wrap mine around hers,
"I promise," I say. She smiles, I can almost see her through the dark. Our pinkies release and I can feel her hands on my sides. They slip under my shirt. I feel small chills start up my spine. She takes off my shirt then takes off hers. Her hands glide over my skin and I am suddenly aware of my hands.
"What do I do with my hands' babe?" I ask. I am surprised how easily calling her 'babe' was. She takes my left hand and suddenly I get tense and freeze. She lets go. She must have felt something. I think she knows that I am panicking. "Erin," I stutter. "My arm... I just.." She looks down. More of the spray tan has rubbed off. She probably sees then and thinks that I am a freak.
"I'll be careful around your arm, Okay? I used to do that and I know." She says. I sigh in relief and she kisses me. It is unexpected. This isn't normal. Kissing people usually never feels this...good. Suddenly my hands know what do to. As we kiss they make their way to her back and trace her spine. Her hands are on me. My hands are on her. I feel something. It's like an explosion of happy and power inside my brain.
She unclasps my bra and then I am unclasping her and pulling her closer. This feels so natural to me but it is wrong. I am not supposed to like this so much but I do. I love the way her skin feels. I love the way her lips feel. She starts to kiss my neck and then moves down to my collar bone then I am lost. Lost in the way she kisses my body.
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Yall! I am so sorry for not updating in so long. Comment if you want Julia and Erin to have a longer hook up scene. Comment if you liked it. Comment if you ship them. Comment if you hate it.
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