CACOPHONY | ✅

~08~

You're lying down and I walk up to you. I sit by your side, my legs bent at the knees, holding my weight. I search your face for a hint of annoyance as I lightly brush my fingers against your forehead, but you're awfully silent.

"Hey." I whisper on a breath that I've been holding for so long my chest hurts, or maybe it hurts for some other reason, but right now I don't care.

I would have taken your silence to my greeting as your anger, but I know that now is an exception. Because merely hours ago you told me so.

You smiled at me with so much love in your eyes I swear I've never seen in anyone else's. You told me you weren't mad at me and that you loved me. You said everything was going to be alright.

And I trust you.

Because you'd never lie to me. Ever.

Beads of sweat run down my cheeks and drip off my chin.
Or maybe those were tears since my eyes pool once again and the droplets escape to follow the same path.

"I'm here." I say as I caress your cheek.

I notice the barest hint of a smile playing at your lips.

I find myself smile at you in return.

I bend over to place a gentle kiss at your forehead.

Your skin, cold as ice against my lips, is a tone lighter than yesterday, emitting a luminous glow. Your features aren't as strained as they were last night and you're not wincing, so I know you're not in pain anymore.

And I should be happy for you.

But I don't feel happy.

I don't feel anything.

I am cold and numb.

Too cold to feel anything.

Too numb to think of anything.

Moisture wells up in my eyes again and I blink them to get rid of it.

I think I hear you call my name so I bend over again, to listen closely.

But I don't hear anything.

Not because your lips never moved.

But because there's so much noise around us.

Or maybe its inside my head.

I can hear the blood gushing in my ears.

I can hear my erratic heart beating.

My soul wailing.

Every fiber of my being screaming, protesting.

I hear my name again.

And this time I know its not you.

You would never raise your voice at me.

I didn't know there was someone else here besides us.

Or maybe I didn't care to know.

My name is being called again for the third time.

The speaker sounds so impatient and sad and sympathetic and grieved.

I wish I could feel bad for her.

But I don't.

I can't.

Not even if I try to.

So I don't look at her.

I tune her out, and keep my eyes fixed at your face.

My fingers move over your face gently.

I trace the soft curve of your eyebrows.

The slight lift of your cheekbones.

The sharp ridge of your nose.

The gentle groove in your chin.

I try to memorize everything I see.

I try to etch it in the most secured part of my brain.

Where I can safeguard it with my life, along with other precious memories of you.

Memories that will forever be a part of my existance.

Just as they were of yours.

Memories we shall forever share.

Memories.

The best gift you could have possibly left me.

The gift I'm going to cherish till my death.

Death.