Hunted

Chapter 7 - Exhaustion

The first night sleep was broken by frequent panic attacks, scrabbling for the torch, and not much real chance to get any real rest. I was tired, I was beyond tired, but it was almost as if I was too tired to sleep. It made no sense to me.

It didn't help that the blizzard outside was actually doing the things storms did- make a lot of noise, make branches fall off trees onto roof, make branches scrape against windows, wind whistling and creating other scary noises. It probably also didn't help that I was still afraid of the dark after twenty years and out here it was dark without streetlights. There had never been any logical reason to be afraid, that I had to have the room bright enough to see the room as soon as I woke, just irrational fear that I'd kept at bay most of the time with a night light. It hadn't been a bad fear then- just a slight problem that was easily solved.

When I was in the cell, the fear went from being minor to a big problem, one I'd had to force inside or go mad from. When lights went off at night, which didn't happen every night and was never in any routine- you could never be sure if it was going to be dark or light overnight- I never knew what the guards were going to do. I didn't know if my owner would show up, as he did, at two in the morning for another 'lesson'. I didn't know if I'd hear a woman crying again, or the sounds of someone being hurt, or if they'd come for me one day. It turned a childhood fear into something far worse.

I lay there most of the night like this, staring at the light of the torch, trying to not panic. Breathing in, deep, breathe out deep, counting, using breathing in an attempt to keep the panic at bay. Talked to myself. Walked around the room. Occupied my mind with thoughts. The panic grew worse for a while when I saw the power was out and I had to get out of bed then, had to get a book and read it just for something to do that could get me out of my head.

By the time morning had come I was exhausted and barely able to get out of bed. One look at me and Jeremy brought food up to me with an order to sleep longer. I didn't refuse the order or the food. Now that it was getting lighter I could ease into a sleep.

By the time I did get up it was late, I assumed, and I found the blizzard had snowed us in. A tree had fallen across the driveway, there was no power or heating except from the fireplace, and no phone lines. The storm wasn't as angry as it'd been the night before but it continued to make sure we remembered it was outside.

The was more or less left to myself that day. I could hear them and smell them in the study, muffled voices, and a note in the kitchen explained that they'd be having a private meeting and I was asked to stay out of the study unless there was an emergency with Pav. Even the twins were somehow kept upstairs, I occasionally saw Nick and Clayton swapping turns watching them, while Jeremy and Elena stayed inside. I didn't kid myself- I knew that they'd be 'watching' me with their keen hearing and sense of smell, I couldn't do a thing in the house without them knowing about it, but I wasn't in any state to do something bad to them.

I suspected it was probably a meeting about what I'd spoken about. Probably not how to help me, I wasn't so egotistical as to think that I was more important than the threat itself, but the situation I'd escaped from was something that threatened them. They didn't even come out for lunch- apparently having already prepared it and left it in the study with them- only emerging when Elena had to ask me questions or clarify something.

There was a lunch waiting for me in the kitchen. I went to take it out and made a sandwich out of it, warming the sandwich near the fireplace. A small cough from behind me made me twist around to see Nick standing there.

"Can we talk?" He was trying to be relaxed and smile but somehow it wasn't working, his muscles tense, face struggling to keep the smile. A hand reached out, as if to grasp me, but he seemed to hesitate and pull it back at the last minute. "It's about the memories you've lost. I've only got a minute..."