The Mechanic

FORTY FIVE

Have you ever cried so much that you felt like your head and chest would explode any moment?

Have you ever felt that intense kind of pain, like there was a barbed wire squeezing your heart and guts, and all you could do was breathe around the swelling ache, even if you wished your lungs would quit breathing because even the simplest act of taking in some air felt so freaking painful?

I really hope you haven't experienced any of these because trust me, it felt like SHIT.

"I'm so sorry, Jay," Leslie whispered, wrapping her arms around me and gently rubbing my back. "You don't deserve this."

"She never fucking deserved any of those shit," Marty spat out, his eyes blazing. "I will fucking kill that bastard."

Alex placed a hand on Marty's shoulder. "Calm down, babe."

"Calm down?!" Marty echoed, whipping his head to Alex. "How am I suppose to calm down? Look at Jade! You know what? This is your fault. If you told me what Harry really is, that he's a fucking drug dealer, then I should've knocked some sense on Jade's head. God! I can't believe I even let her chase Harry in New York when he left!"

"Marts," Leslie muttered, clearly trying to stop Marty's outburst.

Marty raised a finger. "Don't give me that look, Les. I have the right to be livid. Jade is literally the nicest person and Harry just fucked her over. I will never, ever forgive him."

I wiped my wet cheeks and fixed my eyes on my lap. My eyelids were burning and begging to shut down, but I just couldn't stop crying. I've been weeping for hours now, and even the flight stewardess kept checking on me earlier while I was on the plane.

After learning about Beth and seeing Harry messing up with someone else, I went straight to the airport and booked a last minute flight. I didn't return to his apartment for my things, I couldn't do it. I just wanted to slip away from that city.

When I arrived in New York, I had three luggage and a heart filled with hope. But I left the damn city with literally nothing but my wallet, phone, and shattered heart.

And now here I was, bawling my eyes out in Marty's house because I didn't want to go home with swollen eyes and deflated spirit, or my mom and brother would just worry too much. I needed a little time to calm myself down, to stop the tears from falling, and I had to pour my heart out or I would go insane. So after knocking on Marty's door and bursting into tears for minutes, I found myself completely opening up to them without leaving any detail behind.

I was so tired of pretending that I was okay. That Harry and I were okay.

"I can't believe you kept everything from us," Marty said bitterly through tight lips. "We are your best friends, Jay. We all grew up together. Why the fuck did you choose to suffer in silence?"

I clutched my jeans and took in a deep breath. "Because I don't want any of you to judge him," I choked out, my lips shaking.

"Jesus," Marty sighed. "He hurt you and practically dragged you in his messy world but you still care for him a lot. I don't know if that's love or plain foolishness. Jay, please tell me you'll leave his messy cheating ass for good. I swear to God if all of these is just a fucking detour and not a fucking dead end for your relationship with him, I'll fucking disown you. Don't be fucking stupid again."

"Marts, that's enough," Les hissed, shooting him a glare. "This ain't the time for your brutal honesty. You're not helping."

"And sugarcoating will help her?" Marty retorted. "There's no way to sugar coat this, Les. It's all fucked up. Harry fucked up."