Project Equality

Save Me

May

I put every picture, every love letter, every memory of Shreyas in a box the night that Lisa and I fought. Nothing was worth losing her. She meant everything to me. Anyways, she was right, was she not? I was not in our relationship as completely as I ought to have been, and she deserved better. I was a crossroads. I could either be better, or lose her. I was not going to lose her.

It took every single grad party to reach a point where I could think straight. I was not sure if she had dumped me or we were just taking a break, but every day we were apart felt like eternity. She would not speak to me, and I was too afraid to even look at her. What had I done?

Finally, with nowhere else to go, I drove to Tracie's house. It seemed like forever ago that I did not want anything to do with her. She had not remembered me then, but she remembered me now, and that was all that I cared about.

When I knocked, Chrissy opened the door. "May? Hey, kiddo, come on in." She took my hand and led me to the living room, shuffling some papers so that I had room to sit. "What's the problem, sweetie? Things still bad between you and Lisa?"

"How did you hear about that?"

"Other than you not talking at Lynn's grad party? Jenna told me."

I groaned. "Of course she did."

"Here, let me get Tracie, and the three of us can talk. I'm guessing Marcos isn't exactly who you want to go to for relationship advice?"

"Please. I am sure he knows things, but I just would not know what to say to him."

"Yeah, brothers aren't the best source of advice. Hey, Trace?"

Agent Simon poked her head around the corner. "Oh, May. Hi. What's up?"

"It is Lisa," I replied. "She and I are on the verge of a breakup, and it is my fault. I have to fix it."

"Well, honey, breakups are never any one person's fault-"

"No," I interrupted, "this one is definitely my fault. She got tired of the fact that I have been unable to completely let go of Shreyas."

"So much for our talk in the graveyard," Tracie sighed. "Okay, girly, listen. It's not going to be easy, because, yeah, you're right. This is your fault, and Lisa is completely in the right to be upset."

I nodded, thankful that she was not going to try and make me feel better. That was not what I came for, and I knew that she knew that. "Is there anything that I can do?"

"You can show her that you mean it every time you've ever told her that you love her. I mean, you can't just say you've let go of Shreyas and have her believe it. You need to be prepared for a grand gesture, and then little gestures for a long while after it. You have to show her that you're sincere."

"I am sincere. Where do I begin?"

"You need to go to her. Avoiding her is only going to worsen this situation. Sit down and talk like adults. You are adults now."

"I can do that."

"You need to know what you're going to say. May, you can't go half way on this. If you love her, you're going to need to show it. She has no reason to keep this relationship alive, and I know that you know that. No matter what, you have to prepare for the chance she wants nothing to do with you, and then respect it."

I felt dizzy listening to it, but it was still good to hear the truth. Nonetheless, I was finally beginning to understand why Jenna never wanted any of us to date among ourselves. We were a group that functioned as one unit. Without a single piece, there would be mayhem.