Nobody To Blame

Chapter 10

**Ava's POV**

I pushed Riker away and started crying, "No, I can't do this, I love Rocky." I whispered.

"Normally when you love someone you don't make out with their brother." He replied, pulling me close again.

I pulled away and ran to Rydel's room, curling up on the floor with a blanket and crying my eyes out, I just cheated on my boyfriend and I felt so ashamed, guilty, and disgusted with myself.
I layed awake most of the night, my stomach in knots from the guilt.

I should of just told Rydel I couldn't come over, then I wouldn't of seen Riker, and I wouldn't be in this situation.

I decided I would tell Rocky in the morning and go from there.

I woke up with a pounding headache and red rimmed eyes, I looked and felt like shit.

I slowly got up and grabbed a couple aspirin before sitting on the couch alone.

I assumed everyone else was still asleep until Rocky walked in and I could tell by the look on his face that he knew what happened last night.

"Rocky-" I started to talk but he cut me off,

"I seen you kiss him, don't deny it or act like you don't know what I'm talking about, I loved you, I trusted you, and you go and cheat on me with my brother!?"

He paused, waiting for me to say something, but I stayed quiet, unsure of what to say so he continued,

"I knew it. I fucking knew you still liked him, but what's more fucked up is you tricking me into thinking you actually loved me!"

"I do love you!" I yelled at him, trying to hold back the tears that were burning in my eyes.

He clenched his jaw and stood face to face with me, he was crying but glared at me anyway, "Do me a favor, and never talk to me again."

Tears began to fall down my cheeks as I looked at Rocky, who was struggling to not let more tears fall down his face.

By now everyone heard the yelling and came in the room.

"Woah, what's going on?" Rydel asked looking from my tear soaked face to Rocky's angry tear stained face.

"Why don't you ask Riker." Rocky replied before going to his room and slamming the door, blasting music a minute later.

"What the hell did you do now?" Ross asked, him and Rydel glaring at Riker.

Riker looked at me, his face pale.

"It's all my fault, I kissed Riker and Rocky must have seen, Riker didn't do anything" I rushed out, wincing as Rydel gave me a look that could kill.

"Are you kidding me....here I was telling him not to break your heart, when I should have been worried about you breaking his! You want to know why he tried to kill himself!?

His girlfriend of 8 months cheated! Then his girlfriend of 2 years cheated! Then his girlfriend of 6 months cheated!

He told me that no one would ever love him and he stopped dating, your the first girlfriend he's had in a while and you did the worst possible thing!

Maybe you and Riker really are made for each other, actually you don't even deserve Riker!" she yelled getting even more mad at every sentence she added.

"Get out." She said before heading to Rocky's bedroom.

I looked at Riker, but he had his head turned away from me, and Ross's facial expression told me he didn't want me here either.

I quickly got up and ran out the front door, stumbling over stuff from the tears streaming down my face, making my vision blurry.

I ran until I was out of breath, my head still pounding as I continued my way home by walking slow with my head down.

I let my mind wander and realized something, I just lost everyone who cared about me.

Ratliff would side with them once he hears about it, and I wouldn't blame him, I did a shitty thing.

My (ex) boyfriend hates me and is hurt and told me never to talk to him again.

Rydel and Ross are pissed and probably won't speak to me ever again.

Riker can't possibly love me, he most likely just wanted to sleep with me again.

I finally made it to my house and went into the kitchen, downing a glass of water to ease the burning in my throat from running.

After I was done getting a drink I looked in a couple drawers until I found the perfect knife.

I let the tears fall freely down my face as I climbed the stairs to the upstairs bathroom.

I turned on the water and put in the plug, slowly letting the water fill up the tub.

While I waited I grabbed my phone and logged onto twitter, I went straight to my DMs and typed a message to Rydel.

Ava: I never meant to hurt Rocky, and I didn't mean to ruin everything between you guys and Riker, I can't explain how sorry I am, and I don't blame you for hating me, but don't worry, you won't have to deal with me any longer.

I pressed send and tossed my phone on the ground somewhere.

****TRIGGER WARNING****

I climbed in the tub fully clothed and slowly sat down before rolling up my sleeves and grabbing the knife and pressing it to my left wrist.

"This is where it finally ends." I whispered to myself before dragging the knife across my left wrist and up my arm a couple times.

I watched the blood appear and run down my arm before dripping into the water.

Satisfied with the cuts on my left arm I began cutting up my right arm, slowly at first, then angry cuts.

I slide the knife across both my wrists before dropping it on the floor next to my phone.

I began to get lightheaded and smiled with tears running down my face, knowing my plan was working.

I put both arms underwater and leaned back, closing my eyes and waiting for death to take me.