Today. I feel like, I am at the verge of loosing it. I am so tired and exhausted, I simply want to die but the way I am right now, I scared that I won't be able to meet Him. He won't see me right? Why would He? He doesn't need to? He never needed my offerings, my prayers, my money, nothing. He didn't want it, He left it on my own will. I am such a disappointment for Him. Even though He gave me all the love and care of this world, never left me alone yet I still yearned the company of others, I was desperately looking for the warmth in wrong places and above all I was trying to find my solace in wrong stuff. Nevertheless, He still stayed with me. Doesn't it tell how much He loved me? Beyond anything right? But now that I am hanging between cross roads and even usual cross roads, like the ones where you choose the ways. No no my sir, I am standing at the unique cross road, one of its kind. The one where I decide whether I am going to force myself to live in world which no longer gets me neither do I get that world or am I going to end my pain and leave everything behind. But, I am scared. I am scared that He won't talk to me If I did something to myself. What will I do then? I can live this life lonely but I can't imagine a life where He will be not there for me. Such a selfish brat am I, I don't even do anything for Him or try putting efforts for the things He wants me to do, yet still I don't want Him to leave me.
