The Devil You Know - SPN

Chapter Fifteen

The One That is v Sad 

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I awoke in the passenger seat of the Impala, Sam asleep in the back and Dean missing from the seat beside me. I reached for the door handle but as my skin made contact with it searing pain shot up my arm, eliciting a wince from me. I recoiled instantly, glancing at the mangled skin on my palm, the memories from yesterday hitting me like a tidal wave.

I sighed heavily, using my other hand to open the door and close it softly, in order not to wake Sam. Dean was leaning on the bonnet of the car, a beer bottle in his hand. He turned to look at me when I walked toward him, handing me a beer bottle with pursed lips and misty eyes.

"How're you doing?" I asked, glancing at him out of the corner of my eye.

He scoffed quietly, "My brother's as good as dead."

I nodded slightly, "Yeah, sorry, stupid question," I amended, shaking my head and trying to hold back my tears at the mention of Adam.

He took a swig from his beer, "I wish I could'a been the one trapped in that room," he said, quietly.

I didn't respond, worried that if I did he'd be able to hear the tears in my voice. "It's my fault Adam was ever a part of this," he began, his voice thick, "I'm so tired of all this hunting crap."

I couldn't think of a proper response, so instead I rested my head on his shoulder. I felt him soften as I rested on him, his entire body relaxing.

"It's not all bad," I attempted, I couldn't see him but I could picture the small smile he'd be wearing, "I've always liked hunting."

"How can you like this? Not being able to ever settle down? Constantly running from something, it's horrible, Car."

I shook my head slightly, "Think of all the people you've saved, all people that would've been dead if you'd been living some apple pie life."

I felt him lean into me, but he didn't respond, "it's pretty badass too," I added, with a small smile.

He chuckled lightly placing a chaste kiss on top of my head, I hardly noticed in the barely conscious state I was in. We sat in comfortable silence until I fell asleep again, my head still pounding from the incident in the warehouse.

-

I woke up in the back seat of the Impala and pulled myself upright, resting my chin on the back of the front seat. Sam was driving, Dean asleep in the passenger seat with his head lolling against his chest. I reached over, moving his head so it rested against the window.

"How long have we been driving?" I asked Sam, turning to face him.

"Three days," he answered, tiredly, "We're two hours away."

I nodded, "My car still in the town I was working in."

He laughed lightly, "Where?"

"Three hours from Bobby's," I replied, through a yawn.

He nodded, turning his attention back to the road, "Thanks by the way," he began softly, "I just realized I've never thanked you for all the time you've saved my ass."

I smiled, "Likewise," I said, my tone barely above a whisper.

"Was it true?" He began, moving his gaze to meet mine before turning it back to the road, "What you told Adam," he elaborated.

I paused, pursing my lips and nodding, "Yeah, it was just me and my brother for a long time."

Sam's eyes widened slightly although he tried to mask his shock, I'd never mentioned a brother before, "Where is he now?"

I sighed heavily, hanging my head slightly, "Dead."

Sam was quiet. "That's why I help you guys, you remind me of my brother," I explained, moving my head to look at Sam.

"Me?" he asked, glancing at me quickly.

I nodded, "Luke didn't want to hunt either," I began, sighing heavily, "He joined the army when he turned twenty, Azazel killed him."

Sam's breath caught in his throat, "Yellow eyes?"

"Yep, Luke's the same age as you too," I added, hoping Sam would catch on.

"He was like me?" I could practically hear Sam's heart beat speeding up.

"Yellow eyes made him strong, really strong," I said, trying to cover up the tears in my voice with a humorless laugh.

"I think I knew him, he didn't look anything like you, though," Sam said, his eyebrows furrowing in concentration.

"We adopted him when he was eight months, his real parents died in a house fire," I replied, with a dry chuckle.

Sam nodded, his eyes misting, "Do you know how he died?"

I leaned back into the seat, drawing my knees up to my chest, "You shot him."

Sam tensed, his knuckles white on the steering wheel, "I'm so sorry, Car."

I shook my head, "The man you shot wasn't my brother. Azazel changed him, that year Luke was so different. You shot a monster, not my baby brother," I stated, I couldn't hold back the tears now as they spilled over, cascading down my cheeks like water let out from a dam.

Sam's breath hitched, "I'm sorry."

I rested my forehead on my knees, letting the sadness that I'd repressed for so long wash over me.

"I know."