Hidden lust

Chapter 37

Life was tough after that. I was pulled out of school after my first day back there due to having time off for being severely depressed for weeks. As soon as I stepped foot in her class and saw the new teacher I lost it and broke down in the middle of the lesson prompting my dad to pull me out of school all together and hiring a home tutor.

Jessica came round mine everyday full of stories about what she did in school, her latest crushes etc. I just listened while she babbled unable to say anything constructive in return anyway. It always ended the same way, she tried to make me laugh or even smile but I was unable. She left but not before telling me she loves me, I couldn't respond. How could I even say the word 'love' anymore regardless of whether it was a friend love.

I hadn't smiled since the day it all happened, when we played in her classroom. That was the last time. My dad had given up. Sure he had taken me to the doctors where they gave me anti-depressants, anti-anxiety medication and sleeping tablets but I never took them. It even came to the point where he had to call up a mental hospital but they told him I'd be locked up in a room and force-fed. He didn't want that so we had come to an agreement that I'd eat...but there's only so much you can stomach. If I had it my way I'd be dead a long time ago.

You may be thinking, jeez get a grip! She's probably just been arrested but will only be in there for a few months and then she'll be let out again, everything will be fine......You don't understand.

After the text she sent me, I had passed out. My dad had driven me back home and I slept on and off for three days. When I finally had had enough sleep to function, I ordered Jessica to drive me to Taeyeon's house. When I got there.....

There was nothing, she had left. No sign of her ever living there, a 'For Sale' sign in the garden. All traces of her gone. I didn't even have Prince as he had been taken along with Ginger somewhere. Nobody talked about her, I had no idea what had happened to her. It's like she's disappeared from the face of the earth, she took my heart with her.

When I threw my phone against the wall once I woke up after being picked up from Miss Lee's office...everything was gone...the texts, the phone calls, the photos...everything. All I had left of her was the necklace around my neck that only she could take off.

I rang all the prisons in the area, they refused to help me. I gave them her name but they didn't comment, it's like they had been told in advance, everything had been set up. I don't know what happened to Nichkhun either, he probably has copies of the diary and looks at them now and again, laughing at the misery he has caused. I gave up asking Jess for that diary back, she didn't want to give it back. Her reason being that I'd just spiral further into depression if I read the memories I shared with her.

I call her number each day, I still remembered it only to be faced with the same:

'This number is not available'. 

I don't know why I do it, maybe because I think someday it will change and she'll answer the same 'Hey babe' she used to. But who am I kidding, it's over. She's gone.

It has been six months since I last saw her. I chuckled darkly to myself, it's June. One more month and we would have been free to live our lives but now...nothing.

I barely left my house, I had lost weight, I think I was about 94lbs now, not that I cared. Why would I? It's not as if I was trying to look good for anyone. My cheeks had sunken and my ribs were prominent along with my spine, I always wore baggy clothing so my dad wouldn't see but he looked at me with such pity that I think he knew.

This was my life.

My dad used to come into my room every night as I cried and begged for her to come back in my dreams but after a while, either he got tired or he realised that I couldn't be helped. He was probably slipping sleeping tablets in my drinks too because I found I was sleeping better at night but it didn't matter, the dreams still occurred.