Binta

Chapter Nineteen

She handed me the case file she had worked on, I thanked herand continued with my work on my computer but I couldn't concentrate becauseshe was still standing there saying nothing I stopped what I was doing andlooked at her as she played with the edge of her veil she seemed nervous.

"Binta is there anything you want to discuss with me" I askedher calmly, I took in her slender appearance from head to toe, she was casuallydressed in Navy blue trouser suit and white camisole which embraced her in aperfect way, she was looking corporately sexy without even trying so hard.Would I ever be lucky to call her mine? I muse to myself.

"Uhm...sir" she tried to speak as she continued the play withher veil.

"Please seat down" I offered her which she accepted slowly.

We sat down in silence for over five minute and I was growingvery impatient but this is Binta I had to keep myself in check.

"Please can you open up to me or are we going to keep onseating in silence" I broke the silence.

"I am sorry sir...I just don't know how to start" she saidslowly.

"feel free and start anyhow" I couldn't wait to hear what shehad to say to me I was getting very nervous myself, what if she wants toresign, what if she doesn't love me, what if she wants to tell me she isgetting married. The thought of a life without her got me sweating despite theair condition in my office.

"There is something about me you need to know" she spokesoftly and I thought I was going to lose my mind I hope my fear is not catchingup with me.

"What is it?" I asked with my heart in my mouth.

"I don't know my real father neither does my mum" I couldsense her shame and fear, I could feel it all and at that moment I wasn'tafraid to reassure her of my feelings for her,

"I'm in love with you Binta and nothing can change it" I saidsoftly as I held her hands which she slowly pulled away and stood up.

"I don't want you to love me," she said calmly.

"Do you think is something I can control?" I knew she had allthe power to break me and I gladly let me.

"You must" she said this time looking straight into my eyes.

"I can't Binta, I love you, and I want you to be my wife" I confessed to her

"Can't you see I am nobody, I'm a mess, a lie, and they call me Bastard" she screamed as hot tears rolled down her cheeks. I have never seen her broken and all I wanted was vengeance for her even if it's going to cost me my life. God is this how it was like being in love.

"You are perfect just the way you are" I assured her.

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I careso much about you but it's not love" she said and I felt like she was yankingmy heart out of my chest with her bare hands.

"Binta stop living in denial, think about your happiness,life is too short to be nothing but happy" I try to persuade her.

"Thank you Barr Musa"she walked out of my office briskly.

I sat back on my seat and replayed our entire episodetogether since the very first day she walked into my office for a job and thelast half hour trying to make her understand I love her no matter the drama inher life. I know everything about her and her family the only thing I am yet tofind out is the devil that raped her mom. My heart started breaking at thepossibility of losing her.

I busied myself with work to get over my breaking heart whichhelped, but that only postponed the pain. The moment I was home alone with mythoughts, I realized heartbreaks were not like ordinary problem. A part of mewanted to feel angry with Binta but I couldn't. I have done this to myself. Ihave to deal with it.

But how did she expect me not to feel anything for her whenshe was such a wonderful lady with a rare symbol of beauty and brain? She hadlet me into her deepest secret allowing me to see the real her. She had touchedmy heart in a manner no one has ever done.

Even as these thought crossed my mind, I felt my heartthrobbing as my love for her continued to grow. I groaned in desperation.

How was I supposed to fall out of love with her when the merethought of her only succeeded in making me love her more? How was I supposed todo so when we work to close together?

Is she thinking about me in anyway? Did she care that I washurting? Is there any chance she could be just a little bothered? Would sheever come to terms with her feelings for me?

Would I helplessly torture myself with thought of hereveryday or would this pain eventually come to pass?

Maybe in time, I would manage to get her out of my mind,Maybe even out of my heart. But right now I just need to keep myself busy andkeep my mind occupied.

*********

The moment I left my boss's office I headed straight to thebathroom and hurled. I didn't know why, maybe it was my body's new way of lettingout, but after a few minutes I felt better. I went to the sink to composemyself. I rinsed my mouth with some water, retouched my makeup and straightenedup and temporarily put Barr. Musa, out of my mind.

I was glad I didn't see my boss for the rest of the day. Themoment it clocked 5pm, I was out of the office.

When I was about to leave the office my phone rang

"Hello" I said

"Please am I unto Barr Binta Aliyu" a male voice asked.

"Yes please" I responded

"Are you a family to Hajiya Fatima Aliyu?"

"Yes she is my mother, hope everything is okay" I wasskeptical.

"She had a heart failure and is in Garkuwa Hospital, pleasedo come over immediately."

My heart stopped. "Subhanallilah".

I quickly hung the phone and started running down the stairs,I hailed a cab when I got down stairs. I cried and prayed all the way to the hospital I was extremely terrified.