Binta

Chapter Eighteen

Alone in my room, I tried to concentrate on the writ of summon I was drafting but my thought kept drifting away to this handsome man who kept on throwing curve balls at me.  I put aside my paper work because I couldn't concentrate my mind was fully booked with various thoughts.

Ah! I hated the way he looked so drained at the police station. His brother must be such a very big problem and the thought made me so sad. I wanted to call him on the phone to check up on him and be sure he wasdoing okay, but I didn't want to give him the wrong impression.

After we left the police station he had not said any word to anyone, he buried himself in his work at the office and when it was time to go home I went to his office to let him know I would be leaving, he said goodnight without even looking at me and I felt dejected.

I walked to my  window and stared at nothing in particular, thinking of what to say to my boss, I knewI made up some stories to tell him but I'm not sure if that was actually what I wanted. I didn't know how I felt, I had always been terrible in identifying feelings that were unfamiliar to me, I wasn't sure if I was entitled to feel anything at all when I had so much going on in me.

"Do you love him?" my mother's soft voice echoes behind me and I almost wished the ground would open and swallow me.

 "Love who?"  I inquired shyly.

"Don't hide from me child, I 'm your mother and I know when somethingis wrong" I can't believe I'm having this conversation with my mother.

"Mom I don't understand..." I refused to look at her.

"Barr. Musa" she called his name gently and my heart skipped a beat.

"Talk to me Binta" she pleaded and I don't know if I shouldtrust her with all I am battling within.

"Mom he told me he loves me" I said softly.

"And what was your response"? She inquired.

"I...turned him down mom...I just can't" I shook my head.

"But is that what you really want" my mom asked and I wonder if she was really my mother, what changed her? Why is she so understanding and soft? Is it a trap? I deliberated within me.

"Mom it doesn't matter what I want but what is right...I just don't think its right" I stood up from the bed slowly pacing round the room fighting the urge not to let out the pain in my heart.

"Binta! What is right is that when you find love and happiness settle for it, you need to get married someday and maybe the time is now, Barr.Musa is a good man and..."

"Mom please...."I broke down into tears I couldn't hold myself again.

"Have I said anything wrong" she sounded worried as she embraced me and comforted me while I sobbed.

"Mom can you recognize him if ever you see him" I asked softly as I lay on her chest.

"No, they all had on masks" her voice cracked.

"Gang rape" I asked with my heart in my mouth.

"No they helped him pin me down, I tried to fight them off but I was so young and fragile" I could feel her tearing apart and I regretted ever asking her.

"I'm sorry mom" I said and tried to clean the tears flowing down  her cheeks but I was trembling and rather I held on tight to my mom and wept bitterly.

"Binta my child, we have to move on, though I know it's not easy but that's the best thing to do" my mother preached and I wonder where she got her strength from.

"mom what if he finds out about my real identity and changehis mind about me, what if his family refuse to accept me because I'm..."I couldn't finish my sentence because my mother closed my mouth with her palms.

"You are innocent, you have brought me nothing but joy and so Allah would never watch you being disgraced," she interrupted.

"But mom I am ashamed of myself, I am afraid of the unknown"I whispered but was sure she heard me.

"Your step father was the one who rescued me from my ordeal,when no one wanted to marry me he covered my shame and married me, he never for one day looked down at me or loved me less .and the day I had you nothing else ever mattered, I am glad I had you" she said firmly.

"My child, don't allow anybody take away your sleep andhappiness not even him, he has taken so much from us already how much more areyou willing to let him take?" she exclaimed.

"Mom I am blood thirsty?" I confessed.

"I know but vengeance is for Allah alone" she preached.

"If I ever get to meet him, justice must take its due cause mom" I blurted.

"May our part never cross with him child" she prayed but I never said Amen.

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Hello dearies.

i am so sorry for the long silence, i had been busy with work and i fell sick along the line

but I'm better now.

thank you for taking your time to read and please i would rather like to hear your opinion on the characters and story than just "update please".

who is your favorite character?

do you think Binta would say yes to Musa?

would they ever get married?

would Binta ever find her biological father?

well lets find out in the next chapter and the next and the next till the last.