Binta

Twenty-three

I knew it was wrong of me to feel comfortable in my boss's embrace but I did, I find so much solace in his presence, there is this warmth that envelops me and safety I feel when I'm with him I just can't control myself. I' m not proud of it, in-short immediately I withdrew from his embrace I felt guilty and sought Allah's Forgiveness. I was ashamed of myself when Kareem brought up the issue so I tried to pick up a fight to cover my shame. Henceforth I said to myself I would keep my distance from my boss. "I can hear you say it's easier said than done right?" hmmmmmm.

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I'm deeply in love with her, I wish I could just stop, I just want it to go away but the more I try to get her off my mind the deeper I fall. I don't know what she's got on me. Each time my office door opens, I expect it to be Binta, it was silly, but sometimes, my heart jumps then calms in disappointment when it turns out to be someone else. What does that so called Abdul Kareem want from Binta? I don't like the idea of him hovering over her? Are they having an affair? I groaned in frustration. I really need to speak to Binta maybe let her know one more time how serious I am about her, I need to know my stand in her life, I'm just tired of waiting for something that might never come, I need to know if we are on the same page, and by God grace whatever she decides I would accept and this time I am not going to give her time to think about it.

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My binta! I just can't get her off my mind. I love her and would make her mine even if I have to wait forever I'm not giving up on us. I would for now go at her pace, I won't push, but gradually she would want more than what she is offering me now, i love it when she calls me my Kareem, even when I know she's making mockery of me but I don't mind for I believe one day the Angels would say Amin to that and Allah would make her mine. I smile happily to myself thinking of Binta, I love the way she reacts when I tease her, I love teasing her, watching her laugh, gosh! She is so gorgeous and would make a beautiful bride I don't care about whatever is going on between her and her boss, not that it doesn't bother me, it does a hell lot but I won't let it get the best of me nor discourage me, the truth is I won't give up on Binta until she is legally married to another man but until then I'm going to fight for her love and attention quietly.

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That tiny pretty smart girl with mad confidence doesn't cease to amaze me. I just like her and I pray my brother gets to marry her. When I told her I wanted us to be friends I meant it, I really want us to get along well but it seems she doesn't trust me or like me, I don't blame her though. That episode she witnessed at the police-station alone is sufficient for her to write me off. But I'm a changed person now, I don't want to be Abu-Bakr anymore, I'm Hassan!, Abu-Bakr is dead!!!.

I have always been Hassan but it had been silent, I'm a twin but my second didn't make it to this world alive. So my parents decided to call me Abu, perhaps to help them forget their loss.

My life as Abu-Bakr was a very bad one and I am so ashamed of it and I sincerely repent. Since my father kicked me out of the house I had been sleeping in the mosques and it was a wakeup call for me. I had been sleeping in the mosques for two weeks until the imam of the mosque noticed and contacted my father who said he doesn't want to have anything to do with me but my brother couldn't turn his back on me so he took me to his house and offered me his guest house on the condition that I must be of good conduct or he would personal get me a home in prison. That day I wept. My stubbornness and rebellious life style has brought me nothing but humiliation, disgrace and poverty. With my father's status in the society I'm nothing but a tyrant, look at my brother, he is very successful and humble but me what do I have to show ?.

I promised my brother I would be of good conduct and that I was no longer Abu-Bakr but Hassan and I would prove it to him and since then I have never missed my prayers or slept at night but wept and pleaded for Allah's mercy and guidance.