Euphoric Hallucination

ch. 2

I slip inside the shower, the water running is burning me so beautifully, I love every moment of it, the way it marks my skin, with red blotches in many places, it symbolizes the the pain I want to cause myself; in a relaxing way. I lay down in the tub; the water even hotter from before, the scolding of the water hits my skin and acts as if it's my blankets of warmth and protection; I stand alone in all situations, I find it peaceful. Nobody can judge my mind, only I, Audrey René am allowed to colour in the happy places and dull them down, to where everything should be; oh how it was much simpler, in my opinion. To others I'm wrong, and some agree with the thoughts that cross my brain ever so quickly, I blame myself for the burden I put upon your chests. I know I'm the problem and that is why I let the hot water seep through and touch my sensitive skin, it's my release and your relief of my presence not being near you, for that is the end of I, who's ashamed of everything in the past, I cannot change the future as it will come and pass me by without a second glance, I am pleased, do not grieve, it's what everybody wanted. The water is my friend, how it marks it's coded message on my body, I enjoy it, and that is the last time you'll see my face smiling.

_

The following morning when I awoke, I was refreshed. I cannot remember the night terror I had, perhaps I didn't have one? That's a lie, I know since I can't think of it now, my mind will let me know of it later tonight.

I decided to get out of bed around 9am, I woke up at 7 on my own, I just lay in bed and do nothing. I can't even recall of what I thought about. I got dressed in a band tee, shorts and vans, I curl my hair, and brush it out. I like my hair wavy, I do my makeup and decide this is going to be a good day.

It's almost my birthday, I'll be 21, I love being off work, I go back in a couple of days, my job consists of fake smiling at our customers and pretending I give a shit, I don't. I work at Pacsun because I love their clothes.

It's still pretty early in the morning so I decide to hit up the pet store. I've always wanted a lizard. I walk in and I'm greeted by this cute little fellow, who's name is Zach, according to his name tag anyway.

"Hello, what can I do for you today?"

"I'm looking for a lizard."

"Any specific kind ma'am?"

"No, not really, just a friendly big fat one."

"I see, how about a bearded dragon?"

"I reckon so, he's kinda cute, it's a boy right?"

"Yes, it is."

"Great, I'll buy him, he is going to get bigger right?"

"He'll grow about 24" and live for about 10 years."

"Cool, can you show me all the supplies I need?"

"Certainly."

"Thank you."

"Only doing my job."

Zach and I go to the check out lane and he rings me up, I got all of Walden's new home and necessities. The total came to about $169.34, not bad. I pay for everything and leave with my new lizard. I love him already. We go home and I eat a muffin, a chocolate one. I set up the new home for Walden and put him in there. I wash my hands and leave again, I decide to go to the movies.

Once at the movie line, I don't think much people would go see a horror movie at 11am. Just how I like it, I can talk during the movie and laugh out loud. Some scenes are ridiculous. I get a bunch of popcorn, hotdogs and a blueberry icee, I go to see Devil's Due. It looks interesting enough. I was right, nobody is here, only me.

_

The movie is over and it's about 12:45pm. Today has been an excellent one. I go home to enjoy the company of Walden, he's seriously adorable. I put him into his home and feed him. I'm going to take a nap.

All my friends are here, I'm smiling a sinister smile, I don't have friends, but they're here and near me now. I don't like them, nor do they like me, polar opposites hanging around each other, forever this shall be? I hope not. This is not my cup of tea nor do I like tea? I have a knife in my hand and everybody is staring at me, I feel myself whispering nonsense but I cannot control it, I'm going mad.

I jolt up and it's about 4pm, I'm sweaty and that terror wasn't even frightening, weird but not enough for me to break a sweat, apparently it is.

These are some of the reasons I don't want to be born in my generation, in my life. Maybe I could've been born into a different family, a different state of mind. Luck would never be that generous towards me.

I must say after all I've been through I can say that life further on will be awful and I'm going to lose my fucking mind one of these days.

_

I think that was a cheery chapter for the most part. How do y'all like it? It's not my favourite but I wanted to update and I didn't go to school today. Anyway COMMENT FAN SHARE FOLLOW ME! You know all that stuff. Hoped you like it! How do y'all like the 'poem' things in italics? I write them myself.

- Bethany ☠