Euphoric Hallucination

ch. 4

Through my eyes I sense the images are not going to be pleasant. I've endured an abundance of thoughts that accumulated throughout the years. Some I enjoy and some I wish would parish. I listen to music whilst watching Walden, he's grown since I bought him.

The days narrow down to my annual visitation with my grandmother Susie. Over the years, as she ages, her mentality differs from when she was younger and wise when she was in her 50's. I love her unconditionally and appreciate what's she's done for me. Each time when she'd explain what she wants me to have when she dies I burst into tears. Literally I cry every single time because I cannot imagine a world without her love. Though, I'll always cherish our memories, even now l do.

In total, every month I earn about two-hundred dollars from my job. I've never really wanted to attend college so I just save and hopefully I can buy something that'll bring joy to my home. The thing is, I'm prepping my home for my grandma. I want her to live her remaining years with me. I have to get it set up and safer since she's old. I'm going to tell her the news and I just know she's going to be ecstatic.

I've thought about Zach since then. He's very attractive and I wish I could ask him to go somewhere but I'm afraid to with my episodes. I wouldn't want to scare him but maybe he could help me in the end. I'm such a pussy when it comes to guys I haven't befriended. I need to do something productive today. I need a shower.

I run the bath water high and place bubbles in the tub, it's enjoyable. I undress while looking into the mirror and take in my features. My long brown hair is frizzy at the ends indicating I need a trim. My brown eyes are tired of thinking of everything and my collarbones are prominent, which I enjoy looking at. My foot enters the water and I hiss because of the temperature, I don't mind. I lay down and go under, my thoughts are clouded and I can't think clearly, as it always happens when I'm bathing.

I step out to see the previous dreams I've dreamt about, I was whispering a secret I cannot tell but I ache to share it. It's not my place to tell you the deeds I want to accomplish, they aren't mine. I'm outside, in a park when I walk towards a pond and lay down on the grass with my feet in the water. I dwell on the past and hold grudges against people. I prefer the handshake of deaths grasp than the cold stare of my mothers disappointment, I remind myself as I vowed to never visit her. She's done things I cannot forgive. It's all mentally and soon enough I know I'll end up like my grandmother who talks in her sleep of the things she's been thinking about, it's the type of conversation you would have with a nut. I'm afraid I'll end up taking her place at the institution, great minds tend to think alike and I'm not sorry.

I get out of the bath, I didn't wash my body because it didn't need it. I only needed to relax. I decide to only put on undies, I've always been curious to see what it feels like to be nude under the sheets.

I'm not doing anything productive today, my thoughts will take me over and I hope they're the ones I need.

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IM BACK FINALLY, man, I just didn't have any inspiration for this. but sorry it kinda sucks. I just wanted to update! Oh and for Audrey, imagine her as Lily Collins bc she's hot.

-Bethany