Euphoric Hallucination

ch. 7

- As I think, thoughts are piling up like paper in an office, of how I am an outcast in the sin of life's mistakes, how I dream and the sun sets without making one come true; though I guess it's what the stars are for; to be wished upon, crushing hopes but feeling satisfied of the thought, for the wish to be better.

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"It's what every good author should endure when the words they write are copied down on paper; empathy. It's empathy that allows you to feel the way you do, the way you understand an individual. It allows me to be one with someone else. Ya know what I mean? I mean it's a very important characteristic to have in my opinion. It amazes me to think that every person on this earth thinks differently; either it's in language or mentality. The mind is so compelling I just feel the need to share my thoughts with someone who will listen and get me. I've talked a bunch about want, but what do I need? I need to go to a place and jot down anything and everything that comes in mind, I need to be calm, and grateful that I'm the way I am. Though, I'm a very fucked up person inside I can still enjoy my own presence and accept my existence in this world because I know there's somebody out there who would need me. I long for that day to come".

"Yes, I completely understand you, I mean I am your grandmother; you're my grandbaby. You will find the one who achingly longs for you too. As you say you're fucked up inside, I'm not saying I agree but I feel as if anything I say will not change your mind, you're perfect the way you are and you should be proud that you're a good person. The experiences you've endured made you the person today and that's just all right. Great minds think alike and I'm just one of them that will enter your life. I hope that the guy that will come into your life will realize that he should've met you sooner because he's going to be wondering why he hasn't met you before; because you're lovely. And don't ever forget that. I love my new room Audrey, it's very nice, thank you. I love you but I'm tired and am going to take a nap, turn off the light on your way out please".

"All right Susie, I appreciate everything you've done for me, and I don't know what I would do without your presence in my life, I love you".

Susie got to come home today and she's very pleased with her new room. I'm glad she's with me. I enjoy her company. I love talking to her because she listens intently and voices her opinion, I've always looked up to her, my role model. She's a very hard worker and I couldn't ever ask for someone better in my life.

I decide to just go to my room, play some soft music and relax until I need to sleep, it is eleven o'clock now. When I'm alone I like to think of all the things I can do now, I'm not very involved in my mom's life. I've sorta just blocked her out. I know she's my mother but she's so damn annoying and it bothers me that her husband comes before her children. Same thing goes with my dad, my stepmom goes first on the priority list. It's okay because I'm used to it but it's not because I'm used to it. Then again everything that's happened when I was younger made me the person I am today. I need to remember that and all their actions turned out well. I'm pleased with myself. I've always thought that I would turn out this way when I was younger, my assumptions were correct.

The guy; from my dreams, literally from my dreams, he hasn't crept into my head for a while and I'm curious to where he has gone to. I'm aching for him.

I love looking out of my window in the evening time; the stars shine through and as they fall minds wish upon them hoping their dream would come true but that star has already lived it's life and cannot hear your voice. Wishing upon stars, it's an ancient piece of art that you can't help but do, crushing hopes but feeling satisfied of the thought, for the wish to be better.

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Okay so I think this is one of my longer chapters and I'm very pleased with it. I hope that y'all enjoy this too. I'm sooo excited to keep on with this book and along the way you'll see how I think on a daily basis. Well it is my book so obviously it's how I think but anyway have a great day!

-Bethany