Forgotten - Queenie Goldstein

Chapter 18 - Shapes

He was right that I would cry when he left, there was no doubt about that in any shape or form. So it may feel like I have made such progress that he may remember me now but in truth we are where we began and that is oceans falling from my eyes in teal swirls as I contemplate life without Jacob.
It's better, safer for him if he has no memory and his safety helps at least partially with the shivering wreak that is my brain. I don't think you have to be beautiful though so that's okay. Even Jacob can't stay strong through everything and he is so beautiful. Smart and strong and funny. He's got such a personality, he's beautiful.
Beautiful but not perfect. But he's enough for me. He's okay with the idea of a woman who has what seems like hallucinations and knows what is buried in his subconscious hidden below his memory.
That's one person and a half. Acceptance. It isn't easy but it's so incredible in people like him. He so open and understanding. And he never seems to judge.
But if anything that makes my life harder. If he could just be horrible that would make him easier to hate.And if I could hate him I could get over him. Part of me knows that is I asked him he would be really horrible but honestly that wouldn't help because I would be able to see the hurt in his eyes every time he was rude to me and know he was just trying to help me. And that he was beautifully nice and kind and selfless and caring.
So I don't try and get over him. I just sit here and cry and cry. I tell myself that it is better that he doesn't have his memory and it is. Because if it didn't work out between us how could he date someone else? He wouldn't want to tell them because he promised but it's hard keeping something like that from someone. But none of this makes it hurt any less so when Tina and Newt run through the door they see me sat on the floor my head and arms resting on a pastel pink one-ended sofa not even attempting to pretend to be okay. They come and sit beside me and Tina pulls me into her arms. Newt sits beside us to and gently talks to me,a comforting hand on my shoulder.
"Gellert Grindewald?"
I point to the door behind me without even turning my head slightly and Newt smiles at me. "It's okay, you know. This is Gellert Grindewald."
I hear the confusion in his mind as that makes me cry harder. I lean out of my sister's embrace and breathe deeply. "I let him go. I didn't have to but I did."
They try and hide it but they both gasp. Then Tina asks "Queenie? Why?"
I breathe again "He was scared and he promised not to hurt Jacob..."
Newt looks sympathetic but speaks quietly "Queenie. This isn't your fault and no one blames you for anything but remember who this is."
I lean my head back on Tina's shoulder as tears continue to fall down my cheeks and nod. "He promised" I whisper. Tina leans her head on mine. "I know it's going to be okay you know"
"I know"