Forgotten - Queenie Goldstein

Chapter 12- Written in hope

I haven't written to you in some time. I'm sorry Jacob but that you even really see this. It's just a diary entry. I address it to you because there is no one else I would rather pour my soul out to. Not that I can ever even send this.
Even if you remember M.A.C.U.S.A will find out and it will all be over again and again.
I don't know why is still play this game. I shouldn't but I do. Maybe one day I might move on but not for now.
For now you are too much to leave.
You probably always will be.
This is written in hope,though,that this could work out.
It's foolish i really know that I do and even though you might remember me one day, the next it will all be gone.
Love isn't easy but right now nothing can bring me down.
I'm floating so high in the sky right nos Jacob.
You might not now if but you might remember me.
Who am I kidding? I'm just happy right now whatever is happening.
But maybe Tina's right and this could hurt me.
Right now though I can't see.
Just I colours the way you thought of me, pink and gold.
I try to think of him in colours too. But what colour does him justice? All of them but also none deserve him.
He is more than the beauty of then but he is also black red and light.

You are so beautiful Jacob. And I love you. You may lose your memory time and time again but I will never forget you. I will never leave you. And that is a promise. I will never give up on you. I will always be yours if you will be mine.
It's not going to be easy but I don't care.
We can make this work sweetie. We can and we will.

I am walking to you to your shop.
It's the 14th today so I should be getting ready. But this is an important day for you too, for all four of us so I'm going to try this.

The door swings as I open it and you give me a smile, the most beautiful genuine smile I have ever seen. You don't smile like that when anyone else asks you how you are.
Nor do you glow so much. You're so happy with me, I don't want to leave you. But I also don't want to break my heart.
But I will do it for you,Jacob.

I ask you if you remember who Newt is and pass you an image across. It's actually one of Tina's from the day he first arrived in New York.
"Newt,Newt,Newt?......Scamander?" You guess.
I smile and take the image back band pass you one of your erumpment loaves. This one is different though. It moves and grunts.
"Queenie?" You question with an adorably cute look of confusion.
"Yes" I smile back.
Then I have an idea and pull the little glass bottle out from my jacket. It's filled with a luminous teal-coloured liquid. I pull out the glass stopper looking intensely at you. Then I drop a little of the liquid onto the erumpment loaf. The smell floats through the air and slowly colour spreads through the erumpment. Grey and gold.

But it doesn't work. You're still a baker and I turn tears almost falling down my cheeks and with a quite ring of the golden bell I exit the shop The empty flask of erumpment musk still in my hand. I placed the glass stopper in the flask and slowly slide it into my jacket.

You watch me go as the rain begins to fall a sad look on your face. You know you did something but you don't know what.
I turn the corner and you scoop up the erumpment and carefully carry it behind the counter.

I make it into the apartment and I start crying. Crying tears and this is no longer written in hope.
I'm sorry, Jacob
Queenie xx