The Monster Inside Me

Chapter 8: Birthday~

It had only been a month since Jayn and Kris broke up, and they were already back together again.
I was listening to the same rant again, about how amazing Kris was-- since they had just gotten back together today at school.
I didn't say anything this time, knowing it would just repeat history.
"Seker? Are you listening?"
"Not really, no." I shrugged weakly. Jayn puffed out his cheeks stubbornly," I wasn't even talking about Kris anymore."
"Sorry."
"What was on the news today?"
"Hm... Well, actually, I didn't watch the news. I helped your mom clean today."
"Today was cleaning day? Isn't it usually on Sundays?"
"Yeah, it's my birthday this Sunday..."
"Oh really?! Why didn't you tell me?!"
"It slipped my mind..."
"So your birthday is on the first of May? Mayday?"
"What?" I frowned.
"Mayday is the first day of May."
"Oh... Then yeah... May 1st was when I was adopted. My parents would always give me extra food on May 1st..."
"So they actually had a little decency. "
"I-I guess..." I mumbled weakly.
"So... Uh... Seker, what do you want for your birthday?"
"Something purple..." I murmured softly.
"Anything specific?"
Honestly, I want him... I thought weakly.
"Hm... Not that I know of. "
"Okay..." Jayn was thinking hard.

--Sunday morning--
Jayn and I were talking quietly about my birthday, Jayn giggling and smiling-- his face slightly flushed.
"Jayn!" Summer called from downstairs. Jayn shot downstairs, leaving me alone in his room. I sighed, laying down on the bed and accidentally falling back asleep.

When I woke up again, it was cold and dark.
I stretched, yawning.
"Seker, are you up?" I heard Jayn's voice from across the room.
"Yeah..." I mumbled hoarsely and sitting up. I rubbed my eyes and looked at him sleepily.
Was it wrong of me to hope Jayn would be wearing purple?

Jayn dragged me downstairs, leading me into the kitchen.
"I made you a cake!" He said happily, showing me a purple cake-- reading," Happy Birthday Seker!"
I grinned from ear to ear.
"Thank you, Jayn. Thank you so much." I hugged him tightly, my heart pounding in my chest as I felt his boy pressed against mine.
Jayn smiled shyly at me, murmuring," It's not that great..."
"It's amazing! No one has ever done anything like this for me!" I said, grinning from ear to ear. Jayn blushed, smiling a little wider. I was smiling and hugging Jayn as tightly as I could.

I ended up eating half the cake, then throwing it all up-- not letting Jayn know.
I came out of the bathroom, my eyes watching Jayn-- who was frowning slightly at me.
"What?"
"Are you feeling okay?" He asked softly.
"Yeah..." I mumbled.
He frowned again, but didn't protest.
"What else should we do?" I asked, changing the topic quickly.
"We can go to the amusement park!" He said happily.
I grinned, watching as he took my hand in his and pulled me out of the house-- my heart fluttering.
It was an odd feeling... I knew what jealousy felt like, I had felt it when I looked at all of the happy children that played around the street, when I looked at Jayn and Kris...
But I was happy... Giddy even.
Jayn makes me happy.

We were riding the carousel, at the very top, when I asked:
"Jayn, why did you do all of this for me?"
"Because you're my best friend."
"What if I told you there is something I want for my birthday?"
"I would give it to you."
"Then... Will you give me a kiss?"
Jayn stared at me. I could feel the heat in my cheeks and I could see his face turn red.
"S-Seker..." He stuttered, obviously embarrassed," I-I don't know..."
"Please? You said you would give it to me..."
He stared at me, his eyes searching my face to make sure I wasn't joking.
"A-Are you s-sure?"
I nodded, one of my hands slowly reaching for his.
"S-Seker, I can't... I'm dating Kris." His hand pulled away from mine quickly.
Rejection hurts.
It felt like my heart had splintered into a million pieces. I stared at him, then turned away. I wanted to cry.
But I'm not allowed to cry.
Crying is bad.
No crying.
No stuttering.
No crying.
No one will ever love me.
I'm a monster.