before mimi

judging

2 months later

I awoke to cold sheets and a bed that seemed bigger than I remember. Reaching over to Tina's side I was met with the soft fabric sliding along my fingertips. She must have been up with gray already.

I convinced her to go to a therapist- or atleast try one out for a bit. She had been having more quality sleep, but I don't know if it's because her depression is subsiding or she's physically tired after we go at it every night.

Surprisingly the therapist suggested we have more sex. It was usually something we did when her anxiety was rising. Since she had gray, we weren't having any sex. Maybe that's where all of this came from in the first place. We started bumping boots before work, and before bed, 4 times a week. Her stamina was ridiculous and I was struggling with keeping up.

When it was time for bed I couldn't even say goodnight before I would be met with light snores and her body hardly ever covered. If this meant pumpkin was sleeping better, I was definitely more than okay with it. Chucking at the thought, I gathered myself and my phone to go into the living room. I could hear the tv out there playing lowly before I opened the door into the hallway.

When I finally reached the dining room there T was, munching on her cereal with one hand, holding baby gray as he was feeding from her in the other, and her attention to the computer screen that sat in front of her.

I just watched her before making myself noticed. She would break her concentration to make sure he was ok periodically, or to brush some fallen hairs off his face.

She was born to be a mother. and she was so gorgeous doing it.

She lifted her attention from the screen to look at me coming towards her. She smiled with a bit of milk dribbling from her mouth.

"good morning!" she said cheerfully. i dont see how she could be so cheerful-she was up all night with gray and finishing all of these projects after I rammed into her for a full hour.

"why are you awake?" i asked grogily. i thought she would at least sleep in today.

"well. gray was hungry and since i was up i figured i could just get some work done." she said like it was nothing. i knew she was tired-but she didnt look in the least bit tired.

"he was hungry?"

"he started crying at like 630 in the morning. he was hungry obviously."

"obviously?"

"yes....he was just hungry ben. its no big deal"

i watched as the little guy was sucking the life out of her breast. and when he stopped he turned his huge head and his eyes locked with mine. its crazy how much he looked like tina, with his button nose and huge dough eyes. but he possessed those bright baby blues, that looked exactly like mine. he gave me a gurgly smile that made my heart melt. im so glad he and tina are here with me. the thought of them being snatched away just made me so much more thankful for them.

Grayson is five months now and just a bundle of joy. he only cries when he needed to eat-he definitly got that from Tina.

He has chunky legs and arms that tina always jokes about eating. he definitely took all of tinas baby weight with him-because tinas body snapped right back. its amazing what a womans body can do.

Gray started squirming in tinas arm, pulling her attention again. she pulled her cotton tshirt back over breast and re situated him in her arms. he was now sitting upright and grabbing his foot over all of his rolls. he was just too cute.

Reaching for him, t gladly gave him over to me and i held him in my arms. little man was getting heavier by the hour-what the hell was in tinas milk?