The Life of Jacob Track (Book Two of the 33X Series)

Chapter Sixteen

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

February 28, 2015

Jake couldn't sleep.  He tossed and turned, unable to get comfortable or shut his mind off.  Today was the day where he'd be drugged again.  The insane amount of possibilities were slowly driving him crazy.  But there was one thing that he knew for sure; he was going to get the truth from Larry first, all of it.  He'd been having small flashes of memories coming back for a few days.  Things weren't making sense to him at all.  His mind wasn't getting the whole message, some of it getting lost in empty spaces.  No matter how hard he tried to fill in the blanks, it didn't make sense still.  He needed the answers. That need was keeping him alive.

    He stood up and began pacing his cell. The small alarm clock they gave him read 5:00 AM, which gave him a little over an hour before they'd come to get him to start the day.  His thoughts continued to race, faster than the clock.  Time seemed to stop, yet speed up at the same time.  He was less than an hour away from the truth he couldn't grasp.  Somewhere in a dark, shadowy corner of his mind, the truth hid, gnawing at his mind constantly.  He had told Zacchya all that he could remember.  She had been surprised and confused by some of it, worried by the rest.  The small nuggets he could see were a piece of a revelation, but still not enough. There was a bigger picture and he was missing it. 

    He had forced himself to focus on finding out the truth, because if he thought about the testing, he wanted to break down.  Zacchya was braver than he ever could be.  He longed to curl in a ball and hide away.  He wasn't strong enough to fight back, to refuse treatments.  He was a lover, a man that believed in equality and justice, believed that good would win in the end.  A man that wanted peace, but couldn't lift a finger to save his own life.  He was a peace-loving coward.  He felt completely useless, worth nothing.  Why couldn't he be brave and strong? A man of action? More than a nice guy who would let things happen, because he was too kind and too scared to fight back? Tears swam in his blue eyes, angrily, he wiped them away.

    See, Jake? You're a damn cry baby coward! Man up, you idiot! he thought to himself. He wasn't even strong enough to not cry and break down. He wanted to see the hope in the situation, but it felt so far away. There was nothing he could do about it.

    He longed to see Zacchya one more time, to tell her how much he loved her. However, she was asleep and he wasn't allowed into her cell.  He imagined her wavy blond hair partially covering her face, looking peaceful and angelic. He hadn't seen her face since their "marriage". They were kept separate so much of the time. And the vents didn't allow him a view, only allowed him to hear her sweet voice. She was so easy to love, too easy to love.  There was nothing he wouldn't do for her. He longed to tell her one more time how much he really loved her. However, she knew that he loved her and didn't need for him to tell her again. He just needed to tell her, needed to love her. She made him a better man and he longed for her strength.

    However, the door to cell opened before Jake even had a chance to whisper goodbye into the vent.

    "It's time, Jacob," Ben said. The clock was at 6 AM, but it felt like the whole world had stopped.  Jake's legs froze, his heart pounded wildly in his chest. He had to move, to walk out the door, but he was frozen.

    "Are you coming, Jacob?"

    Jake tried to reply, but his mouth was bone dry.  He nodded, feeling suddenly light headed. 

    "You're as pale as a ghost, Jacob.  Do you need to sit down a minute?" Ben asked with concern.

    Jake nodded again, but didn't make it to sit on the bed. He turned his head and expelled his last night's supper.  Ben rushed over to help, trying not to step in the puddle of vomit.  Jake felt faint, sweating profusely, yet shivering.