Not Good Enough (On Hold)

11) Why Don't You Love Me?

I didn't know he was coming home!

Out of all the days he could come home early, he picked today. I wasn't scared of him... more like weary of him. After all, he had quite a short temper whenever he was around me and wouldn't hesitate to lash out if he was having a bad day - whether it was physically, mentally or emotionally, depended on how angry he was at the time.

He had also picked Sammy up from dance practice, which meant the Ice Bitch would be home for dinner. She was never home in time for dinner if she had dance practice, because she usually got the bus home and it dropped her off at least half an hour after dinner finished. My mother had to store her food in the oven on days like that.

Unfortunately, Nick had decided to come home early from work and pick Sammy up. Now, I was going to have to endure the Ice Bitch's bitchiness and the Douche Bag's taunting remarks.

"Would you look at that, Hayden, you're brother and sister are home for tea, today." My mother wore a smug smirk, as she tried riling me up. I knew she enjoyed it whenever Nick would act like a jerk towards me, but I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing that her words and Nick's words did actually hurt me.

As a mother I thought she would try and shield me from my older brother's unkindness, but sometimes it seemed to me as if she encouraged it.

I could hear voices floating through the hallway, getting closer and closer with each passing second. I couldn't help but stare at the closed door of the dining room, waiting for the inevitable.

Once Abi met my older brother and twin sister, being the clever girl that she was, she probably start unraveling the reasons why I hated my family and why I was so secretive about my home life. I should never have brought her here.

The voices stopped outside the door, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see my mother staring at me with a sick sense of satisfaction in her eyes. She was going to enjoy my torment, there was no doubt about that; she was the instigator of many of my problems after all.

Dad, Zach and Abi were all sitting quietly.

Dad and Zach were being quiet out of habit - they rarely said anything to my mother about her constant bitter attitude towards me; whereas with Abi, I could tell she was unsure about the whole situation and was therefore keeping her mouth shut.

She didn't know why my mother was being a bitch, but if she did, I know she would've definitely said something. However, she didn't. Even I didn't know the true reason as to why my mother hated me so much.

How can you one day just wake up and start hating your four year old son, whilst still showering his twin sister in affection? Why would your eleven your brother randomly start punching and kicking you, for every tiny little thing you did wrong, whether it was leaving a crumb on the table or covering yourself in mud? Why would the twin sister you were once close with, suddenly become distant and stop talking to you, making you feel as is if you were a nobody at home?

That's what happened to me. When I was only four years old, my mother started acting like a heartless bitch towards me, and Nick had become physically violent towards me, for reasons unknown. I'm also guessing that my mother had a hand in making Sammy hate me; the sister I had once cherished and loved, had become a complete stranger to me, because of my mother's manipulation.

I didn't know what I had done wrong for everyone at home to hate me, and at the young age of seven I was seriously considering running away or even... suicide.

I had seen people commit suicide on TV, so I had thought it was 'normal' for a person to kill themselves if they got really upset. Had it not been for my old man, I would probably be six feet under by now.