Trapped

Chapter Seventeen: Discussions

"I'm not going to yell." Nestor says simply.
"Then why are you here?" she asks.
"To clear the air." he says, standing up.
"Okay. So what do you want to clear? Because I've moved on. I'm with Renn. I'm happy-"
"And I'm happy for you." he says.
"Yeah you told me." she snaps at him. She sighs and pushes her hair back from her face.
"Fine, you want to clear the air? Let's clear it. I loved you." she blurts out, staring at him. He simply nods his head.
"I know you did. And I loved you. But I wasn't right for you." he says to her.
"That wasn't your choice to make, it was mine. I decide who I spend my life with and I cannot tell you how many times I prayed to God begging for that to be you. But you left-"
"No. You made me leave."
"I gave you a choice. I said leave her or leave me. And you left. You left because you thought you knew what was best for me but it was you who was best for me." she tells him, ignoring the tears that are running down her face like a waterfall. He stands there, glued to the ground, wanting to pull her close and kiss her tears away. But he knew he couldn't because she is with Renn and he is married.
"Was it really my fault?" she asks. It was so quiet that Nestor wasn't sure if she had said anything at all.
"What?" he asks.
"The fight. You leaving. Was it because I didn't..make love to you? Because I wouldn't put out in bed?" she asks. Nestor's heart breaks at the question.
"Making love was never about you and me in bed." he starts off, taking a step toward her. She glances up at him, meeting his dark eyes with her light ones.
"Vera, we made love whenever we held hands. We made love whenever we looked at each other. We made love when we would tease each other on twitter or think about each other. I've never known a love like the one we had. I was so completely in love with you." he says.
"You're supposed to break up because you stop loving someone. Not because you were completely in love with them. Don't you understand how screwed up this is for me? How unfair it is to both me and your wife?" Vera asks, replacing her hurt with anger.
"I know. And I'm sorry. I'm still figuring things out. I don't know what to do-"
"Oh. Oh I'm so sorry. I never thought of what this must be like for you." Vera says sarcastically.
"No. No don't do that." Nestor says, also becoming angry.
"What do you want me to do then Nestor? Break up with Renn and wait around for you to gain enough balls to do something for yourself for once in your life? Jesus, Carbs, stop thinking about what other people want you to do! We are actors in our lives, pretending to be who we want people to think we are. Well I can't take it anymore! Dammit, I love you!" Vera shouts.
"Well I love you too!" he shouts back.
"You're an ass! You know that? You're an ass. You can't keep doing that." she says, glaring at him.
"Doin what?" he asks, his face going red with anger.
"Ripping my heart apart and then acting like you still care. You need to choose Nestor. Do you love me or do you lust after me? Because if it's lust then stop lying to me and let me have a rest."
Nestor's eyebrows scrunch together.
"You're doing the same thing. You love me but you're with Renn."
"I make no apologies on how I decide to glue back together what you broke. This is my healing process. Renn is safe and familiar. He's a nice guy-"
"He doesn't give a shit about you!" Nestor shouts, pointing at the door.
"And you do?" she screams back. Nestor's face softens and his arm drops to his side. He lets the tears slide down his cheeks, not caring that Vera can see them.
"I do. I love you. And I was an idiot. I'm going to fix things Vera." he says, walking toward her. "I just needed some time and for you to trust me-"
"Stop asking me to trust you when I'm still choking on the water from the last time you let me drown." she says, making him stop. He looks into her pain filled eyes and reaches out to her. By now, she is trapped against the wall with no where to escape to.
Nestor closes the distance between them, pulling her to his chest. She tries to pull away but he won't let her.
"I hate you." she says with emotion. "I hate you so much."
He continues to hold her, ignoring the hits to his chest as she fights him.
"Let go of me." she says angrily. "Dammit Nestor leave me alone! Let me go!" she shouts. Nestor finally steps away, wiping his tears away. Her heart breaks at the sight of the usually tough man crying. Because of her.
"I'm going to fix this Vera Ann. I promise. I'm going to fix us." he whispers as he walks out of her trailer. She follows him out, watching him walk across the parking lot. She opens her mouth and almost says something.
Almost.
Perhaps the rest of her life would've turned out differently if she had. But she didn't. Instead, she turned around and walks back into her trailer, closing the door and letting her body slide down until she hits the ground. She pulls her knees up to her chest and lets herself cry the most painful cry she has ever heard. The kind of cry that makes you hiccup and hyperventilate and cough. The kind of cry that is only used for the most painful situations. The kind of cry that comes from her soul.
And the sound of that pitiful cry echoed through the quiet night until eventually, she fell asleep on the ground of her trailer next to the door.