Perceived Insanity

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Dr. Rhae stopped in front of a door. There was nothing special about the door. It could have been a classroom door, the front door of a house, or the door to the room in which she had been born so many years ago. But it was different in the sense it would open upon the final chapter of her life. To see this door, such an ordinary and everyday door, as one leading her towards death made it seem imposing, grand, and almost sentient. The door seemed to echo the irrevocability of the verdict her decisions had led to, and as she listened to its raspy greeting as it swung open, she imagined it was telling her she could not go back.

Within the room she could see chairs. There were chairs lining three of the four walls in the room; cheap, metal folding chairs. In the center of the room, facing away from the door, and consequently towards the three walls lined with chairs, there had been placed another chair. This chair, Nayona guessed, was meant for her. It was made entirely of metal, but its shape was nothing like that of the folding chairs. It was taller, and sturdier. It was, as Dr. Rhae had instructed, without restraints. Dr. Rhae was very sure Nayona would not try to escape.

The shorter woman, Dr. Rhae's companion, closed the door behind them and led her prisoner toward the chair. She removed the girl's handcuffs, but refused to trust her enough to let go of her wrists. When Nayona was at last seated in the chair, the woman cautiously let go of first one wrist, then the other. Slowly she stepped away from the girl, watching her apprehensively. Dr. Rhae nodded at her, and the shorter woman relaxed. It was not normal to trust prisoners at all. The imprisoned were those who had broken the government's trust. They did not deserve to be trusted.

Nayona sat, wondering what the other two women were waiting for. She wondered if they had possibly already done to her what they had brought her there to do, if her death had already begun. But she did not doubt her death would be more tangible when it had really begun.

She heard the door open, and watched as her parents entered her peripheral vision and sat down where they hoped she would be less likely to see them. The door did not close behind them, however, and a moment later her brother walked in front of her and took the seat directly opposite her. He smiled warmly at her, comforting her, and mouthed I love you. She knew at that moment, as he made the decision to sit in front of her, to support her, he would make the same decision if his circumstances came to that. For the first time since her arrest, she cried. She wept for the time she would never get to spend with her brother, for how little she had done with her life, for how few choices she had ever been given. She mouthed I love you, too.

Dr. Rhae watched them, narrowing her eyes. She began to understand why the government had been so wary of supporting families. Families were dangerous. Allowing friendships was important, for the happiness and satisfaction of the individual, but citizens who loved each other might support each other in rebellion. She began to understand why the concept of 'family' had been degraded to mean any two individuals that resided in a house together. This allowed every individual to imagine they had a family, even if no actual relationship existed between the individuals. 'Family' had begun to be a legal concept, more than a social concept.

Dr. Rhae thought of her own family. She cared about them. In fact, she thought she loved them. If the government was against this love, she could not agree with them. For the first time, she chose the exact opposite position the government had chosen. She recognized the danger in doing so, but she was not rebelling. She only disagreed.

Other citizens began to enter the room. Nayona recognized her instructor, a few of her closer childhood friends, and a few of the classmates who had seemed to agree with her the most on what little she had spoken about after being accepted into society again. She wiped her tears away when she saw them, and smiled kindly. She wanted them to know she held nothing against them. She felt the least she could do with the final hours of her life was love those around her. She turned to her parents and smiled warmly to greet them as well.

Nothing was preventing her from talking, but she felt she could not if she tried. Something about the whole situation was too serious, too meaningful for words. To speak would be to make light of everything. Everyone else seemed to sense something as well, either fear of her opinion or respect for her decision, for no one spoke to her either.

The silence was broken at last by the voice of Dr. Rhae as she addressed the small audience gathered to watch Nayona's death.

"We are ready now. Please stay in your seats during the procedure. Please stay silent," she instructed, her voice steady and clear. Everyone seemed to relax when they heard her speak. Her tone conveyed a sense of calm to both Nayona and her audience.

Nayona began to feel nervous, even with everything she had to hold on to. In a moment, she would be dead. It was impossible to feel anything but fear, yet Nayona sat in the chair, motionless. She focused her thoughts on everything that gave her hope, and never stopped looking into her brother's eyes. He seemed to be telling her everything was all right, and she desperately needed the reassurance.

Dr. Rhae looked directly in her eyes for a moment, then turned towards the shorter woman. She nodded once, and the two began to move around the room, sometimes behind Nayona, sometimes in front of her. They were a perfect team, never in each other's way, always intuitively knowing exactly what the other needed.

First the shorter woman came to Nayona and grabbed her left arm. In an almost inaudible whisper, she explained she was injecting a solution that would paralyze her arms. She administered the injection Nayona had no time to process the explanation given her before her left arm was lying limply on her lap. Dr. Rhae then came to her right arm and administered a second injection. In a moment, she had lost control of her arms.

Nayona bit her tongue to prevent herself from expressing her trepidation in a scream. But it would be over, in a moment, and she was not so scared of death as much as she was of dying.

Dr. Rhae's assistant walked in front of her again and asked her if she wanted to have her legs paralyzed, as well, or if she would keep them still of her own accord. Nayona could not answer for a moment, choosing to simply shake her head back and forth. When she spoke, her whisper was so quiet only the assistant could hear it, even in the tiny room they were all in.

"No, thank you," she gasped.

The assistant nodded and knelt by the prisoner's legs, in case her accord was not enough to keep them still. The pain itself lasted only for a moment, but fear was sufficient to cause panic in most prisoners.

Then Dr. Rhae came around the chair, a third syringe in her hand.

Nayona took a deep breath. She was ready. This was the consequence of her choice, and she accepted it. More than being the consequence for rebelling, it was a consequence everyone had to bear as a result of their own brokenness and the brokenness of the world in which they lived.

Nayona relaxed, smiled at her brother one more time, and closed her eyes, waiting. What would come, would come.

She felt the cold tip of the needle against her skin for a moment, then the ache of the needle in her muscle, then an intense pain. She opened her eyes in shock.

It was done. Dr. Rhae watched as the girl's soul left her eyes, leaving behind the glassy look death always leaves on its victims.

She stood and faced the audience.

"You may go now," she said, her voice just as calm and steady as it had been before she had killed the girl.

When everyone had left, Dr. Rhae turned and gestured to her assistant to leave as well.

Soon, only Nayona's body was left in the room.

It was now only something to be disposed of.

Author's note: This is not the last chapter. This story is far from over. :) Thank you for reading!