Perceived Insanity

William

William left his sister's death ceremony feeling blank. It was not permissible to display any emotion related to regret after watching what, in the eyes of the government, was considered justice. William did not blame the government, however. The problems in a government grow from the problems in a society. William knew most individuals would consider what had happened to his sister just. He was sure his sister had counted the cost of her decision, in the same way he was sure she had made the right decision. He knew it was the right decision, for she had made it believing in truth. He knew the time was coming for him to make a similar choice. His would not be so difficult. He had never left the community before, and the government would not choose to penalize him with consequences as serious as those his sister had endured.

As he walked home, he looked up at the sky. Dark, thick storm clouds rested below puffy, white clouds, each cloud separated by a stretch of bright blue sky. A strong wind blew through the chilly spring air, and the sun made the clouds glow. It was almost exactly like the last day they had really spent together, when she was only five. She had been so happy then. He remembered how much she loved the wind.

The pain of losing a sister he had never really had the chance to know was great. He understood why suffering and death was inevitable. He lived in a broken world. This understanding did not make his own suffering easier to bear.

For a long time, he was not able even to cry. He walked and walked, pacing around the block he lived on. There was something unbearable about the whole situation, something making him feel trapped. He walked faster, trying to escape the confusion and emptiness filling him. It seemed no words could express how he felt. His mind was a void, empty and blank.

William found, after a time, his mind did not like to be so blank. It filled with thoughts against his will, one after another, some generating anger, others bitterness. First he blamed the government, then his parents, then himself. The blame melted away into confusion. Who was to blame? In a way, Nayona was, for she had known the costs. It was his fault as well, for he had encouraged her decision. Their parents were at fault as well, as they had not discouraged the values he and his sister had developed. They had not shared their children's values, yet they had not felt they could suppress what good and truth their children seemed to have found. On a different level, the government and society as a whole were to blame.

He returned to his apartment, hoping to distract himself.

The two guards he found standing in front of his door took him by surprise. He had known his choice had been approaching, yet he found the relatively brief interval between his sister's murder and the appearance of the guards unanticipated. He greeted them cautiously, one hand pulling his Principles of Life card from the pocket in his jacket.

They ignored his card, shaking their heads and frowning. One whispered something to the other, then gruffly requested he follow them. They drove him to the city gates, where Dr. Rhae stood, waiting.

"What is this about?" William asked, his voice hinting at annoyance. "My certificate has not yet been revoked."

Dr. Rhae looked at him gravely.

"Will you accept a chance to retake your latest Principles of Life exam, or shall I use the power my position provides to revoke your certificate right now?" she asked, enunciating every sound clearly.

"You may take my certificate," he said, his voice full of resentment.

"I am not forcing you to make the decision you are making. I had thought watching your sister die would have convinced you we have ultimate power over you lives, and you can do nothing without our support," Dr. Rhae said, her eyes narrowed. Her face remained impassive, but her eyes blazed in anger. Her first failure had been Nayona. Nothing would induce her to give up so easily with William.

At the mention of Nayona, William's anger grew. His heart became filled with hate, hate for the woman facing him and for the higher officials who had sent her.

"Is that all my sister meant to you? Did you even view her as a person? Or is she simply one more pawn on your chessboard, one more expendable citizen? Has it ever occurred to you who you are if you view her as expendable?" His voice rose to a shout. All the emotions weighing on his heart he poured out to Dr. Rhae, his bitter thoughts finding a voice in his volume and tone.

"I am as expendable as she is. Unlike the girl you, for some absurd reason, call your sister, I would not choose to die simply from a wish to be stubborn, to be in the right," Dr. Rhae said, her tone as incomprehensible as her face.

"A family is built around love, not rules. She will always be my sister, because we love each other. My sister chose to die because the alternatives were not options she was willing to consider. She has strong values, which is something to be appreciated, not scorned," Nayona's brother sighed. The anger had left his tone, if not his heart, and he countered the older woman's criticism with patience. A lack of understanding replaced the hatred in his heart. He could not grasp how another human being could fail to understand the concept at the heart of family.

"What rules the government has defined are more important than any definition the citizens it rules over might create," the older woman spoke, crossing her arms across her chest. "They were made for our benefit."

"I do not care what purpose the government had in making them. A family without love is not a family," William said, shaking his head.

"Your inability to keep such thoughts in your head is one of the reasons you and your sister failed the exam, and why I am about to revoke your certificate. As of right now, it is void. Your apartment contract is void now, and you are no longer employed. As we have no homeless citizens, you are being evicted from the city," Dr. Rhae said.

And so William left the city.