Clopwyck River - revised version

Chapter Fifteen

I pull my cardigan around my body to keep the chill out as I wait for Ruby at the opening of the woods. Daria told me to bring a coat, so of course I couldn't bring one at the risk of her thinking I value her opinion. Stupid.
Each time the wind blows, the leaves high on the tree tops seem to hush down on me, telling me to keep quiet. But I can't keep quiet, not after last night. I hardly saw Ruby today but caught some time with her at lunch, and she suggested we meet here after school.
I look at the clock on my phone, just as I hear footsteps approaching. Ruby is bounding towards me, waving her hand.
"You came!"
I frown at her. "Of course I came. I asked you if we could meet up. Why would I not come?"
"I don't know. I wondered whether you'd want to avoid the woods after what happened with the horse?"
I open my mouth to reply, but now she's reminded me of the horse a little trail of goosebumps prickles along my arms, and I lose my voice. I'd managed to deny the incident had happened, but with the bee in my finger as well? At least Leo was with me for the horse, so I know I didn't imagine it. I look at the plaster on the end of my finger and wonder if there is still a bloody mess underneath it.
"So why meet here then? Why couldn't we meet at Chancellor's? Or at your place?" I ask her.
A smile that's so wide it's in danger of breaking out of her cheeks spreads across Ruby's face, until she bites her lip and clasps her hands under her chin. She's almost dancing on the spot, and I can't help but smile at her.
"I want to show you something."
***
We must be more than half way through the woods now, and I'd be happy if we didn't come out the other side. The branches of the trees wave down at us, cheering us further along our path, scattering us with leaves and the occasional feather each time the wind hums through the woods. I feel like Ruby and I are the only people on earth, surrounded by these green and barky giants, our very own protection from whatever is out there.
Ruby has chattered through pretty much the whole of our journey. Not forgetting that I'm there alongside her, she's managed to ask me a few questions, but each of my replies has sent her on a Segway into a different conversation.
A little ball of anxiety has been rolling around my stomach, waiting to start bouncing up and down when Ruby asks me about my Mum. I attempt to follow the trail of her conversation, trying to anticipate any signs that that's the direction our chat is going. Maybe she's more sensitive than I'm giving her credit for, as we haven't approached that destination yet.
Pale light blinks through the trees and the river rushes along the bank as we get closer to the other side of the woods, so I'm not surprised when Ruby signals our almost arrival.
​"We're nearly there. You'll remember this part of Clopwyck from your first night here."
​The night someone tried to kill themselves in front of me? Another great memory to add to the scrapbook of my time in Clopwyck River.
​"It's just down here, in the opposite direction of the bridge where Ben was." Ruby points down the river, but all I can see are more trees, and another bridge, this one just a small wooden footbridge.
​"I can't see where we're going."
​She grabs my wrist and pulls me towards the river, and I slope after her, the dull ache in my legs making me wonder if we're ever going to get to where she's taking me.
​"Come on; you'll see it in a minute."
​I keep looking down the river as we walk, and then I see it. A building on the other side of the river, opposite the footbridge, but so well hidden if Ruby hadn't been with me I would have carried on walking and never known of its existence.
​The building is tall and wide, some exposed red brick peeking through the greenery that conceals it, as well as blinks of faded white from where some of the exterior has been painted. Beams of wood crisscross the stonework, and a few tiny windows wink at me as they catch the reflection of the last of the day's sun.
It's a watermill, obscured by willow trees lining the riverbank, hunching over the water like they're trying to creep up on their own reflections. It's really pretty, and as a white swan glides past with only its reflection for company, I wish that I had my drawing stuff with me so I could plonk myself down, right here, and sketch this beautiful, serene moment that only Ruby and I are witnessing.
I don't even realise that I've stopped, until I look up at Ruby who is shouting from halfway across the footbridge.
"Come on then. We going in or what?"
I jog after her, catching up with her just as she crouches through an opening in between the trees. We walk through the slick weeds that grow in knots around the building, and up to a wooden door, aged with peeling red paint. I look up, feeling tiny next to its high walls.
"It's a watermill."
"I know; isn't it cool?"
I nod, a smile spreading across my face, big enough to match Ruby's. "Yeah. Yeah, actually it is pretty cool."
She puts her hand on the shiny black door handle. "Let's go inside."
"Seriously? We're allowed inside this place? It doesn't look very open."
"Um, I wouldn't say we're allowed inside, but nobody's ever told me I'm disallowed, so I think we'll be okay. Ready? Brace yourself; it's always really cold in here."
Ruby pushes the door open, an ancient creak ringing out from its hinges, and disappears into the darkness. I look around, expecting someone to jump out and tell us we're trespassing, but lucky for us, we're still the only two people on earth.
I follow Ruby and pull out my phone, ready to use the torch but it's surprisingly light inside the mill. I look up through some broken floorboards and see a hole in the wooden roof which is what is letting the light in and, from the smell of damp, the rain as well.
The mill has been long abandoned. Broken bricks and pieces of wood are scattered all over the dusty floor, and pieces of rubble form little trip hazards. Cobwebs string from corner to corner of the space, and although I can't see any animals that have crawled in here to die, I can definitely smell them. Tables and chairs rest on their sides, and faded notices advertising bank holidays and river festivals suggest it once served as a tourist attraction over a decade ago.
"This way," commands Ruby.
She's standing with a foot on the first rung of a ladder with a rickety handrail that disappears into a tiny hole in the wooden ceiling. She jerks her head upwards, then starts to climb the ladder. I take one last look around then follow her up the dusty steps.
"Euw!"
I wipe cobwebs from my face as I emerge onto the next floor. Beams of timber cross above the width of the room, smaller pieces of dark wood spoking out and criss-crossing the inside of the roof. Giant nuts and bolts sit tightly under the timber like the beginnings of tiny stalactites.
"Don't be such a princess." Ruby grabs my hand, and hauls me up so I'm standing next to her. "Over here, look."
"Couldn't we have gone somewhere a little less dusty?"
"Shut up and come on."
I duck under a low arch, and follow her across a creaky walkway, which emerges onto a stone stairwell. A giant water wheel is sandwiched between the steps and a stone wall, a barrier of metal mesh in front of it. Ruby grips her finger tips through the holes of one of the mesh panels and pulls it away.
​My eyes widen as she places her hands on either side and puts a foot onto the opening of the hole she's just created, and before I can stop her she's pulled herself through it and is stepping onto the paddle that's closest to her. 
​"Follow me; we're just climbing down here."
​"Seriously? More climbing?" She takes a step down onto another paddle, and I poke my head through the hole, watching her make her way down like she's Spiderman. "I'm not sure about this, Ruby. We might fall in? Or the wheel might start spinning around?"
​She stops climbing and looks up at me, as if she casually climbs around water wheels every day.
"It's perfectly safe. The mechanism has been disabled. I come here all the time on my own, and I've not fallen in once. I promise. Come on and stop being such a wuss."
​I take a few deep breaths and then pull myself up through the hole, nowhere near as gracefully as Ruby did. I dare a look down and my breath catches as I realise the wheel is actually a lot bigger, and Ruby is further away from me than I thought.
​"Don't look down!" she shouts.
​"How am I supposed to see where I'm going?!"
​"Uh, good point. Okay, do look down, just try not to fall."
​"Great advice, thanks, Ruby."
​"You're very welcome."
​I plant my feet on each of the paddles, and lower myself down until I'm on the same paddle as Ruby, which is the lowest part of the wheel before it disappears into the blue water. I stand with both hands gripping the wheel, as Ruby lowers herself to a sitting position so her feet are dangling a few inches from the flowing water.
​She looks at me expectantly, but I'm frozen.
​"Come on, sit down." She swings her legs. "It's more comfortable than it looks, and you'll feel more stable sitting."
​"How will I stand back up?"
​She shrugs her shoulders and puts a hand out to me. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."
​I stare at her hand, weighing up my options. Having a lower centre of gravity is probably the more appealing of my options, and I grab hold of Ruby and lower myself down, still holding onto the wheel with my other hand.
​"See. Not so bad, huh?" She smiles at me and I glare back at her. "Come on, just listen."
​She leans forward and stares into the water. I do the same, although I don't lean over as far and I cling to the wheel, but I instantly know why she's brought me down here.
​The coolness of being so close to the river, and the rush of the water beneath our feet fills me with a sense of calm that I didn't even know I was longing for. I stare into the water as it flows so close to me, watching it bubble and foam as it trickles from view, too busy to stop and breathe, constantly on the move until it finds its destination. It hypnotises me, breathing its serenity and letting it wash over me as if I were part of its ripples myself.
​"Earth to Demi?"
​Ruby's voice breaks the river's spell over me, and I look up at her, my eyelids heavy.
​"Huh? Sorry, I...."
​Ruby beams at me. "Don't apologise. That's exactly why I come here, and why I brought you here. I thought you'd like it."
​"It's so......."
​"Magical?"
​"I guess that's a good word for it." I look at Ruby, unable to keep myself from smiling.
​"You seemed pretty shaken at school today so I thought you could do with a bit of calm in your life."
​I flush red, wondering what I've done in a previous life to be lucky enough to become friends with someone like Ruby. "I appreciate it."
​She looks down at her swinging feet, and shrugs off my appreciation. "So what did you want to tell me anyway?" she asks.
​I take a deep breath, feeling the tranquillity of the water threaten to trickle away, and reach into my back pocket.
​"Well first, there was this." I reach across and hand Ruby the note, making sure she has it in her fingers before I let go.
​Her eyes dart across the paper, her eyebrows rising as she takes in the words.
​"Jeez. That's creepy."
​"Yeah, creepy, and threatening."
​"Wait, where did you get this?"
​"It was delivered to Daria's house."
​"Seriously?!" Ruby's loud voice makes me jerk so vigorously I nearly plunge forwards into the water. "Oh my God, Demi, that means whoever wrote this knows where you live!"
​"Oh God, I hadn't even thought about that."
​"Stalkery." Ruby shudders and stares at the paper, then her features soften a little. "Wait a minute, it's so obvious who this is from. It's got to be Ciara."
​She hands the note back to me. "Really? You think she would do something like this?"
​"She would definitely do something like this. She's the only person who's literally warned you to stay away from Ben, basically what it says right there."
​"But she hasn't come out and threatened me. Not yet anyway."
​Ruby folds her arms. "Please, everything about that girl is a threat. Who else would it be?"
​I glance up at Ruby, then dip my head back down pretending to be engrossed in the words on the note.
​"Demi, who do you think it's from?" I look at her, unwilling to say it out loud. "Go on, you can tell me."
​I bite my lip and take a deep breath. "Leo maybe?"
​"Leo!?"
​She makes me jump again and I have to grip hold of the paddles to stop myself from falling into the water. I glare at her.
​"Ruby, what the hell is wrong with you! Will you calm down? I'm going to end up in the water if you keep shouting like that."
​"Sorry, but Leo? I don't think so, Demi."
​"Why not? He's been really cagey about Ben, and he knows where I live. I just feel like there's something he's hiding from me."
​"Maybe he is but I don't think he's hiding a desire to make you 'sorry you ever came to Clopwyck.'" She widens her eyes as she does the air quotes with her fingers.
​"Maybe."
​"There's no maybe; it's not Leo. He likes you, remember? It would be a pretty weird way of getting your attention. 'You know that threatening note? Yeah, it was from me, surprise! How about coffee some time?'"
​"I guess so."
​Ruby nods. "She's definitely at the top of the suspect list. You should speak to her, see what sort of reaction you get. I bet she'll be at that party on Saturday."
​"What party?"
​"You haven't heard about it?" Ruby looks at me as though I've just arrived on the planet. "It's at the old church, up on the hill. It's really cool up there."
​Who knew Clopwyck was home to so many abandoned buildings?
"I can't go, I've not been invited."
​She waves a hand at me. "Neither have I. I'm inviting myself, so consider this your invite too."
​Her logic makes me smile. "So, do you think Leo will be there?" The thought of him sends warm sparks dancing across my skin.
​Ruby claps her hands together. "You are so into Leo! Look at you, you've gone red just thinking about seeing him!"
​"No I haven't!" I flush an even deeper red.
​"This is so fun. We have to go to the party. You two would be so cute together. I totally ship you guys."
​"You ship us?"
​"Yeah, it means I want you to get together. Crack open the internet once in a while would you."
​"I know what shipping is, I've just never seen a nerd actually use it in the flesh before."
​She tries to punch me on the arm, and I duck out of the way forgetting where I am for a second and my stomach as I grasp the wooden paddles.
​Ruby settles back into her spot. "So what was the second thing?"
​I frown at her. "Second thing?"
​"Yeah, you said that note was the first thing. What else was there?"
​Sparkly thoughts of Leo flutter away from me, replaced by visions of blood and broken insects wings. I look at the plaster at the end of my finger, not wanting to look Ruby in the eye.
​"I don't know if you'll believe the other thing. I don't know if I believe the other thing."
​Ruby's face softens and she shuffles along so she's sitting a bit closer.
​"What happened, Demi? Tell me. Seriously, you can tell me anything."
​Her eyes are practically brimming over with such sincerity that I absolutely believe her. I look at my hands and decide I need to share this.
​"I don't really know what happened. To be honest, I've had a couple of dizzy spells since I arrived here, and I'm wondering whether that's what it was, but last night the freakiest thing happened to me and it seemed so real, felt so real, that my heart isn't letting me blame it on my brain."
​"Go on."
​I can feel her eyes on me, giving me strength to put what happened into words. I take a deep breath and tell her about finding the splinter in the end of my finger, and then having to surgically remove a bee from my fingertip. I even risk unravelling the plaster to show her the bloody hole and bruising at the end of my finger, a wave of relief washing over me when I see that it's really there.
​I glance up at Ruby, half expecting her to be smirking or biting back an eruption of laughter. But she's not doing either of those things. Her face is drained of colour and her eyebrows are furrowed together, her eyes searching the water for a response to what I've told her.
​"So, there it is. My freaky mind."
​Ruby shakes her head. "No, no, I believe you, Demi, I honestly do. That's horrific. Are you okay?"
​I consider her question, then nod my head. "I am now. I mean, it really freaked me out. Like, what the hell? What if I'm losing my mind? Since Mum...I mean...I just feel...it's been too much since I got here. Finding Ben on my first night, and nobody wanting to talk about what's wrong with him? Then that horse? Two living things trying to take their own lives right in front of me? How can that have all happened in the short time I've been here? I feel like I'm holding myself together, but I don't have enough hands. All of this, moving to Clopwyck, living with Daria, its more to deal with and I'm letting go of things just to make it through the day, and I'm scared I can't hold onto everything, onto...her."
​Ruby squeezes my hand, and I carry on, knowing that I need to get this out or I'm going to explode.
"The last few months have cracked me open and I don't know how to put myself back together. I can't let myself think about what happened, I can't and I don't want to deal with it, but since I got here I feel like I've been thrown around on a roller coaster and all of my emotions and thoughts have swirled up into my stomach and I want to scream, but if I do everything is just going to explode out of me and I won't be able to get it all back in. Reality is slipping away from me and I don't know what's real. I don't want to know what's real."
​"What did happen exactly? With your Mum?"
​I shake my head. "I can't....I can't, it's too...."
​Ruby puts up her hands. "It's okay, you don't have to. Forget I asked."
   ​A few beats of silence pass us by, and I stare at the river as it flows beneath my feet. I can feel tears scratching insistently in the back of throat, and I fight to keep them back like I have done for months. I close my eyes and force the image of my Mum's smiling face deep into a cloud of quicksand.
​"Thank you. And thank you for believing what I just told you."
​She shrugs her shoulders. "Look, this world is full of strange crap that can't be explained, and people just go about their lives lucky enough to ignore it all. Unluckily for you, you seem to be getting a life's worth of it in one go, but you can handle it, Demi. I think you're stronger than you give yourself credit for."​
​"Why though? What do you think it all means?"
​She looks at me for a moment, sizing me up before she speaks. "Now, it's your turn not to think I'm crazy, but I think there's something weird about Clopwyck, something....off." She puts her hands up. "Don't ask me what it is, but I've just felt something since I've been here, and I know that Nigel thinks the same."
​"Nigel? From the coffee shop?"
​Ruby nods, her hair falling in front of her shoulders. "You know all those books at Chancellor's, the ones that cover the walls? They're not just there for decoration: they're journals."
​"Journals?"
​"Yeah. I've seen him writing in them and then slotting them back into place. Sometimes he just takes them out to read them. He's always saying Clopwyck's history makes it special, makes it different. I doubt very much that your horse and your bee are unique occurrences here."
​I want to laugh at Ruby's words but the idea that I'm not the only one suffering these weird happenings is too comforting to dismiss. 
​"So, with all of this going on, do you think it's a good idea to maybe forget what Ben said and just drop the whole investigation thing?" she asks.
​"No way. I need to know what's going on with him. I feel like I owe it to him, to try and help in a way I couldn't on the bridge."
​Ruby nods, then claps her hands together, the sound magnified by the water and the walls that surround us. "Plan of action is to find out who wants you to stop trying to find out what happened to Ben, we go to the party, and you and Leo make with the smooch-smooch."
​"Whatever." I check my phone. "We better get going, I'm starving."
​She grabs the phone from my hand and wiggles over to me. "Selfie first."
​I roll my eyes as she puts her head on my shoulder and smiles at the camera, but her closeness fills me with a contagious warmth and I can't help but smile too. She takes the photo and we look at it together, laughing as we point out our respective hang ups.
​Ruby stands first, then helps me up, and she begins a dialogue which I'm sure will last the entire journey home, but my mind is preoccupied with something Nigel said to me when I first met him at Chancellor's.
​There is always more to see. Much, much more, if you know what you're looking for.