The Shadow (One Direction/Harry Styles)

The Shadow (Chapter 11)

     Carina POV ~ 6 Months Later

1. I know it is a bit confusing, read the a/n from the end of the chapter it will help you.

2. I used a lot of quotes this chapter. As the the end of the story I will make a chapter just for the authors. But they ARE NOT mine. Just so you know. Anyway, enjoy.

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It was confusing. Really confusing. But I let it go.We had to hurry up, anyway, Taylor had a gig at six. It was a mistake, I know it now. Back then is seemed like a good idea. However, it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I was so ignorant, so stuck up in my own perfect world. I want to scream at me, I want to shout, I want to feel the pain I deserve.

How could I be so stupid ? So fucking stupid ?! I just left. No second thoughts, no guitl. And now ? I am crying and it seems that I can't stop. The tears just keep coming, and I don't know what to do. The look on her face that day. This si the image I can't erase from my brain. It just sits there driving me crazy. She looked so fragile, so weak. But she was still her. The one I met on that interview. The one who could kill just by looking into someone's eyes, the one who could make a man cry. That's the girl who slowly but surely became my sister. The one I never had. 

But now ? She is not that girl anymore. I am visiting her everyday, and she smiles and laughs, but I can feel that something's wrong. That voice in the back of my mind keeps reminding me what is actually wrong, but I don't want to think about that. I can't. The time is fastly aproaching, but I can't let her go. I can't. Hoe could I ? I look into her eyes and I can see that she lost her hope. She lost it a long time ago. And I can't tell you why she feels like this, because I am still waiting for a miracle which I know will never come. But I can still hope.

You know what's worst ? I can't help her. I can just watch her suffering, my heart breaking all over again. I don't know where I belong anymore. On her side, I feel complete, but soon she will be gone. She will not smile when I said something stupid, or slap me when I started to cry. I want to go home, but nobody's home. I don't have a home. My home is on her side. But she will not be here for much longer. So I just lay next to her, already broken inside. She can see that. She is really observing. It gest annoying really. But she doesn't ask questions. She doesn't need answers. She just has look into my eyes and basically read my soul. I can't stop her, but I don't know if I want to. It just seems right, you know ? She was always there for me. In the shadow. You couldn't see her because she didn't want to be seen, but you could count on her. Always. She has built so many walls around her, and no one could tear them down. She was strong. She was so strong. Sne never cried. Not when she was in pain, not when we realised,together, that she had one more week. Well, I cried. She didn't. 

She has been rejected so many times, yet she still smiles. Like everything it's okey. Honestly,it was annoying. So, a few days ago I snaped. I was fed up with the fact that it seemed that she didn't care. She didn't care she was dying !  So I screamed at her telling her that she is heartless and that she had no feelings whatsoever. And then I left. But later, when I came back to apologize I was stunned when I saw her. She wasn't crying, no, but she was hugging herself rocking back and forth. The sight was heartbreaking. I didn't know how to apologize. I was afraid, because for her, the trust is the most imporant. I didn't know how would she react and that was scarry to. I was nervous wreck. But she just smiled and said that it's okay. We never talked about that, again. Every time I tried to bring it up, she would tense up and tell me to leave it. I didn't want to push her limits so I just forgot about it.

Looking at the clock on the wall I saw that it was already late so I took my jacket and started to drive towards the hospital. I had to see her, 'cause something didn't feel right. I had a feeling somewhere in my gut. Something wasn't right. I just sped up and when I finally reached the place I killed the engine and started to run. I had to see her. I opened the door and there she was, reading a book and looking worse than ever. She seemed happy though.