Heart Attack | Jerrie

5 | Angst

  Monday, 11:20am

Perrie was looking at herself in the mirror. She was in the Girls' locker room. They just had PE and yes, they all had their own mirror there. The principal came up with this idea once. He thought that was what the girls want. - But it wasn't. Perrie was the only one left. She didn't want to change while the other girls were around. They could see her scars and she didn't want that. She missed Jade. After the incident on Friday, Perrie really had the feeling that Jade cared for real. She was there for her like no one else before. But Perrie wasn't quite sure if she should open up to the brunette or not. There were so many disadvantages. Like.. What if they get in a fight someday? What if Perrie had told her too much about her by then? Would Jade use it against her? Let's be real: Perrie didn't know who Jade was. Yes, Jade told her a lot about herself and she told her what she liked and didn't like, but the blonde didn't know Jade as a person. The blonde sighed at the thought of Jade. Why was it so complicated? After what happened on Friday, it should be clear for Perrie that Jade was a trustworthy person.

-

Friday

"What the- Perrie what is this?!"  

6:44pm

"Leave me alone!", the blonde cried out.

"First tell me what's going on!", Jade was almost crying, too. She never met someone who.. cut themselves before and she didn't know how to act around Perrie.

"N-No!", the blonde managed to scream out, even though the sound became more quiet with each second. Perrie put her head in her hands and started to sob. It was all too much for her right now, she had no idea what to do. And the fact that Jade was still here didn't make things easier.

Jade took a deep breath, "I'm worried, okay? Please.. Just tell me what happened.." Jade stared at Perrie. Perrie was thinking. Maybe this was her possibility to 'heal', if you know what I mean. 

Perrie raised her head and sighed, "I've been cutting myself since I was fourteen. My dad left me and my Mum when I was ten and at first it went well. - But then my mum started to work more and she started to drive to friends on the weekends while I was alone at home. We had a big fight about Dad when I was fourteen. I asked her why he left us, since I was ten back then and I couldn't understand any of this at that young age. I don't know how.. But we started to argue and to fight and then she said it was my fault that he left.", Perrie's voice cracked. Jade wanted to hug her, but Perrie stopped her and shook her head. "That night my mum drove to a few friends for the weekend. Leigh and her parents were on vacation, which meant I was all alone again. And then it.. just happened.. And from there it happened more often and it kinda helps me, you know.. It helps me with my guilt." Perrie stared at her scars while saying that. She couldn't look Jade in the eyes.

The blonde expected for Jade to run and never come back, but actually Jade grabbed Perrie's chin softly and lift it up. "Look at me.", the brunette whispered.

Perrie tried to fight it, but she couldn't. She looked Jade straight in the eyes. "If you ever.. Have the urge to do something to you, call me. I don't care if it's 4am in the morning or 1pm when I'm at home and eating supper. This isn't healthy, Perrie. You're hurting yourself and I..", Jade had to hold back the tears. Perrie's eyes widened in surprise as she saw a little tear stream down Jade's face. "And I don't want that. I know you probably won't understand since we have known each other for a week, but I care about you and I don't want you to feel like you're not good enough. I don't want you to feel like whatever feeling makes you do this.. Does Leigh know?"

Perrie instantly shook her head, "I don't want her to.", the blonde whispered.

Jade nodded understanding, "Okay.. I won't tell her. But promise me you'll call me if it happens again, okay?"

Perrie hesitated, but nodded. She wasn't sure what to think about it. She just opened up to Jade! Well not fully, but partly. The girl she barely knew and who could destroy her now with what Perrie just told her. But the blonde had a feeling Jade wasn't that kind of person and wouldn't use it against her if they'd ever fight. She had a good feeling about Jade.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore .. Can we watch a movie?", the blonde asked. She clearly felt uncomfortable. But not because of Jade, but because of the thing they just talked about. It was the first time Perrie talked to somebody about it and she wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do or not. She felt like a broken toy now. - And that's what she wanted to prevent.

Jade grabbed her hand and helped her stand up before they went back into the living room. Perrie put the sleeves down. She felt even more uncomfortable now that Jade knew about it and the thought of Jade staring at her scars made Perrie feel anxious.

-

After Perrie got changed she made her way to her next period. Math. With Leigh-Anne and her guy friends, Louis and Zayn. Great, Perrie thought to herself sarcastically. She arrived and sat down on her seat. Too deep into thoughts, Perrie didn't realize that Zayn sat down next to her.

"Hey, Pez.", he smiled slightly.

Perrie honestly didn't know what to respond to that, which is why she only smiled back. She started to play nervously with her fingers. She wasn't interested in Zayn. Like not at all. But it seemed like he was and she wasn't sure how to tell him to back off. It wasn't as if everyone knew what gender she prefered. "Look.. I would love to hangout someday. What do you say?", the dark-haired guy suddenly asked.

The blonde nodded, "Sure.. Why not." Angst was building up inside of her. Like she said to Jade: She doesn't really want to get to know Zayn. But maybe that's how Perrie can prove to Jade that she isn't as weak as she stated a few days ago.

Jade..

The blonde actually hadn't seen the brunette since Saturday and they haven't exchanged numbers, which is why they couldn't text each other. And Perrie's mum? She hadn't come home, yet. Perrie wasn't even sure if she was ever coming back. But you never know. Especially, when it comes to Perrie's mum. Hell, even Perrie didn't know when her mother would come back for real. 

-

A/N

A little filler chapter here, sorry :D A lot of private stuff was going on (not good stuff) and I had to take care of that first. Please tell me what you think, I love to get feedback! AND if you have any requests, leave a comment or dm me :) I'd love to hear some ideas from you. 

By the way: For the german Mixers/Zerrie's here (if there are any): A friend of mine and I are working on a German Zerrie fanfiction! More uptades coming soon!

DON'T KNOW WHEN THE NEXT CHAPTER IS COMING EITHER IN 1 OR 2 WEEKS :)