Heart Attack | Jerrie

6 | Complicated

12:34am

"Hey, Perrie." The blonde closed her locker immediately and there she was. Jade Thirlwall. Beautiful as ever. Perrie felt tired. Tired of wanting, but not being able to have Jade. Tired of feeling like nothing. Tired of having the constant feeling someone is going to smash a knive behind her back. Perrie didn't want to feel like a broken toy, but that's all she's been feeling like lately. She didn't deserve Jade and maybe it was her depression telling her that, maybe it wasn't. - But in the end Perrie would rather listen to her head than listening what Jade, a stranger she had met a week ago, had to say. The blonde couldn't believe someone was actually caring about her. 

But the fact that Perrie accepted the fact that she's sick. - Depression. - Was a big step forward.

"H-Hey.", she stuttered quietly. Perrie's head went crazy. Different kinds of thoughts were spinning around her head and all she could do was staring at the bottom. She also felt bad for leading Zayn on. Though, she didn't know if he was even interested in her. If he was, she felt bad for saying yes to hang out even though she wasn't interested nor will she ever be. 

"Ready to go home?", Jade asked.

Perrie had a confused expression on her face, "What do you mea-"

"I'm taking you home.", Jade answered before Perrie could even finish her sentence.

Perrie shook her head, "No.. I-It's okay.. I can take care of myself, J-Jade. You don't have to treat me like a broken toy. Like.. An ill person." Jade's mouth fell open, clearly shocked by what Perrie just said and the blonde felt sorry immediately. "N-No.. I didn't mean to say it like that. See? That's exactly what I mean! That's what people like me do, they hurt people! And we can't even control it.. We don't mean to hurt them it's just.. We can't help it."

And with that Perrie went passed Jade and mumbled a "Sorry" before heading home.

-

1pm

Perrie arrived at home. The moment she got through the door she slammed door shut right after. She really wanted to cry right now. The blonde thought something was wrong with her and in that moment.. In that moment she had the urge to hurt herself again. She wanted to call Jade, she really wanted to. But how could she after what she just did? She treated Jade like shit. But what do you say? Treat people like you think you should be treated. 

Her phone started to ring and without looking who was calling, she took the call, "Hello?" She tried not sound as if she was crying, - which she was, but nobody needed to know that.

"Hey it's Zayn. I was wondering if we could hang out today. What do you think?", the dark-haired guy asked.

Perrie hesitated. She wasn't sure. She'd rather stay in and cry instead of going out with Zayn. Yes, she knew he said hang out but she knew what he actually meant.

"Alright. Pick me up at 7.", the blonde answered and hung up.

-

*TWO WEEKS LATER*

"Wait-What?!", Leigh-Anne's mouth fell open like she's just seen a ghost. Well, though Perrie must admit, the news she just delivered to her best friend was kind of .. weird. "I thought you were-"

"Shh!", Perrie whisper-shouted. They were in the middle of the hallway and nobody needed to know what they were talking about. "I.. I am, b-but I thought m-maybe I'm n-not. Maybe I don't know what or who I am. He's really nice and he treats me right, okay?"

"I wish I could support you and Zayn, but we both know you're never going to like him like he likes you and actually.. I'm feeling bad for him. Pez, I love you. You're my best friend, but come on.. We both know you're lying to yourself.", Leigh sighed and closed her locker.

Zayn and Perrie were officially a couple, yes. They've been a couple for the last two weeks already. And Leigh was right: Perrie didn't like him like he liked her, but the blonde didn't want to admit it. She wanted to do anything she could to get Jade out of her mind. She wanted to build a normal friendship with Jade without having the constant urge to kiss her whenever she saw her beautiful face. Perrie thought being with Zayn would help, but it didn't. And now that she saw how happy Zayn was with her, she didn't want to ruin it. For once she didn't want to ruin something. 

Perrie jumped a little as she suddenly could feel two strong arms hugging her from behind. She knew it was Zayn and she tried to feel comfortable, but she couldn't. She felt very uncomfortable and she'd rather lay in Jade's arms, telling her all her worries. But she couldn't or let's say: She thought she couldn't. 

"Hey.", Zayn whispered and kissed Perrie's cheek.

Perrie faked a smile, which Leigh noticed. But the blonde's best friend decided not to butt into this mess. Perrie got herself in this situation, now she has to get herself out of it. "Hey, babe.", Perrie said 'happily'.

Perrie saw Jade across the hallway. Jade's eyes were staring at Perrie and Zayn and Perrie felt guilty immediately. But for what? Jade and her were just friends. "Zayn, I-I gotta go. See-See you later.", Perrie stuttered and went over to Jade right after.

"Hey.", Perrie whispered.

"Hey.", Jade answered. It seemed like she was pissed, - which she was, but Perrie didn't know Jade had a little crush on her.

"I'm sorry.. For what I did the last time we talked.. I-I don't know why I was being like this.", Perrie explained.

Jade nodded, "It's okay, really."

"Then why are you being so.. distant?", Perrie asked shyly.

"I'm not, you've been ignoring me for two weeks Perrie and now.. Now you're dating Zayn even though you said you're not interested in getting to know him.", Jade snapped

"Well, maybe I thought about it and changed my mind. Why are you so mad about this?", Perrie was very surprised about the way Jade talked. She's never seen Jade like this before.

"You know what .. You perfectly ignored me the past two weeks, how about you just continue doing that and leave me alone because I have no idea what this is.. Or could've been. I don't even know what to think anymore. See you.", And with that, Jade went.

Perrie was confused and didn't know what Jade meant. All she felt was guilt and in that moment Perrie really had the urge to get a knive and do what she always did when things were hurting too bad. She hurt Jade and she didn't know how to fix it.

This was all a mess.