Heart Attack | Jerrie

9 | Loneliness

*TRIGGER WARNING*
THIS IS GONNA BE VERY HARD SO PLEASE ONLY READ IF YOU WANT,
BUT I'LL REMIND YOU WITH A TRIGGER WARNING AGAIN WHEN THE ACTUAL
PARTS COME UP.

Chapter 10 is the last btw.
_

Perrie's P.O.V

The memories from last night were still haunting me. At day and night. But I still didn't want to admit what happened yesterday. I didn't want to give it a title like a book or something. I felt disgusting and all I wanted in this moment was to be dead. I didn't feel anything except shame, pain and emptiness. I honestly have no idea how people can survive things like this. But I'm proud of them because I know I could never do that. I've been laying in my bed ever since I came back. Zayn and I broke up yesterday, by the way. He could've stopped it but he didn't and I guess he knew it was over between us the moment he let it happen.

We told you, you were nothing but a useless girl. An object. Something people don't need except they want it.

This is your fault.

"Stop..", I whispered to myself as the voices began to get louder and louder. I hated when that happens. But today was even worse than any other day.

What if Jade finds out about this?

She'll hate you for your stupidity.

It's all your fault.

You should've known better.

But don't worry. We're here for you.

You can  join us anytime you want.

I started to cry as I realized those voices weren't going anywhere. I knew I couldn't recover from this. This was the end of me. My mum wasn't here, I couldn't tell Jade nor Leigh. They didn't deserve to have someone like me in their life and they definitely didn't deserve to deal with a wreck like me. Especially because I was just so done with everything.

The next day in school was very hard for me. And that is the easiest way to describe it. I tried to talk to Leigh more, kind of saying goodbye already in the way I acted. I didn't do it on purpose though. But it was like I already knew my story was ending in a while. I talked to Jade as normal as I could because she couldn't know. I also tried to avoid Zayn. He made it pretty easy for me though because he avoided me too. It better stays that way.

"You okay?", Jade suddenly said which made me flinch for a second. She caught me and Zayn staring at each other and me giving him a death glare. It was too obvious to be honest.

"Yeah.. Zayn and I we.. We broke up."

"Oh, Perrie. I'm so sorry! What happened?", Jade asked concerned.

"Nothing. Really.", I said while the flashbacks from two days ago came back.

*TRIGGER WARNING*

FLASHBACK

"Perrie you have to keep up! Zayn's drinking all these shots all alone!", Percy, one of Zayns friends, said. I quickly took the next shot and winked at Zayn. He grinned at me and gave me the 'let's-get-away-from-here' kinda look. I was already drunk as hell and the pills that I took didn't make it any better so I just nodded, not caring about what could happened. Zayn took my hand and led me inside Percy's trailer. It was cute that Zayn and I actually only ended up cuddling on the couch and talking, kissing. That was until Percy came in. It was very unexpected so I flinched for a second, which Zayn noticed.