melanie.
I had a strange feeling, deep within my stomach as I knocked on the door of Larry's house, it wasn't long past eight so we were probably one of the first people to arrive. I really regretted leaving the house so early, because now it'd seem like I prepared all day just to see Van, and I couldn't have him thinking that— he'd have a field day with it.
Larry— thankfully— opened the door and greeted us.
"Hi lassies!" He beams, standing back to let us in. To my most pleasant surprise, there seemed to be quite a few others already there, chatting and laughing. We didn't draw that much attention to ourselves as we threaded into the kitchen, where Larry gave us each a cup filled with larger and sent us on our way as the door rang again.
The second Larry left I felt a hand on my shoulder, someone half shouted behind me.
"Glad you could make it, lass, where's Jay?" I spin around to see Van smiling his ultra-bright smile.
"He's on his way, had to get you your weed didn't he?"
His face crumpled a bit. "Clearly you don't smoke it yourself, we don't call it that." He laughs and pats me on the back, as if I was his brother— or Larry.
He swanned off after that, muttering something about 'football out the back, with the lads' and so I left him to it, not really sure if I wanted an actual conversation with him or not— it might be too awkward.
Soon after, my phone rings.
"'Ello?"
"It's Jay, I'm on the way lassie, hang in tight!"
"How do you know I'm having a bad time?"
"I can sense these things, I'm just 'round the corner, be there in a flash."
"Alright, be quick!"
"I am running for you, babe." He jokes and hangs the phone up.
In all the time I'd known Jay, I don't think he had ever uttered the word 'goodbye' to me once. He never waved goodbye either, he left every conversation we had ever had entirely unfinished, or he'd say "see you tomorrow", but never "goodbye". It had come to my attention, that maybe he had some sort of goodbye complex, and I liked to think about why that might be. See Jay and I never spoke a lot, about things, serious things, because it just wasn't that kind of friendship. We didn't lean on each other's shoulders for support, in fact if one of us was having a bad day, we got kicked in the shin and laughed at. Jay believe life wasn't meant to be taken so seriously, and that bad days just didn't exist, that you could laugh about everything.
I fell victim to his happy-go-lucky way of thinking, it consumed me faster than I could stop it. Engulfed me like cigarette smoke, and I let it. Because that's how I wanted to see life too. And the two of us stayed in this constant haze, of not caring about anything, and shaking off any emotions we had. Because that was how our friendship worked.
Within the next few minutes, Jay was there, boisterous as ever, running up to rescue me.
"Did I hear someone was in need of a good time?" Jay asks, slightly out of breath from the running.
"You didn't hear it, but maybe you can read minds." I say, nudging him to say hello.
"I wouldn't put it past me lass, can do a lot I'm not aware of." He smiles happily, nodding like a little dog.
In many ways he was like a little dog, always full of energy, kind of dumb but really lovable. And that was how I liked him, we were opposites, and he raised me up and I kept him grounded. That was how it worked.
"Come on, lass. You're in need of a smoke." He drags me out to the back garden, where Van and a few other lads were standing, talking loudly, being lads.
He notices my slightly nervous disposition without me having to say anything, not really sure how he does that— know things without me having to tell him, but he marches confidently over to the other side of the garden, leaving me to skulk behind him like a bold child.
"You know he's gonna come over." He tells me as we lean against the wall, blowing a cloud of smoke around us, like a mask of sorts.
"What makes you so sure, eh?" I ask, scoffing. I reckon he's lost interest by now, considering no put-outting had been done and he'd been round my house for over an hour. Most lads tend to get the hump and move on to a new lass by that stage.
"'Cause I saw him looking didn't I? You've known me how long? And you still haven't figured out I'm always right?" He shakes his head, and it suddenly occurs to me that him and I are one and the same. Can't keep our mouths shut, always doing stupid things, having a ton of regrets.
And too right he was, within the next minute, Van strolls over, all smug and thinking he's better than me.
"Alright Jay." He says. Then looking at me. "Hope that's just a smoke, no funny stuff."
I roll my eyes and skulk off back into the house, not having any of the carry on. He had gotten on my nerves, and I didn't like being a victim before I'd even had the chance to be an uncontrollable loudmouth and ruin it for myself first. At least then people had a person to be mean.
I seemed to be doing a lot of skulking tonight. And as soon as I skulked back into the house, I found more reasons to skulk.
I caught a glimpse of Benji, and decided to go over to ask about the situation he was in, about the girl. Or whatever it was.
As soon as I got there, it was far too late. I had already seen, and could not unsee, him sucking the life out of my little sister like a fucking Henry Hoover to a ball of fluff. I decided to leave them, because I wasn't really sure what I would have done about it. But I felt uneasy thinking about it.
"You okay lass?" Larry claps me on the back. "You look like you need a drink."
"Yeah. I do need a drink."
