Falling down into the pit -Nouis AU

Chapter 3

Dear Diary,

Today was terrible but fantastic. . . .

The weather was pretty sh*t .... but i dont mind, i quite like the rain.

Harry was singing the same line over and over which was annoying ! You try hearing a line from a song you made up over and over just after you have woken up! its annoying so much! I asked him why he was in a good mood, "oh, nothing" that b*stard ! he knows it will be on my mind all thhe time now! trying to figure out why he was in such a good mood... maybe he found a girl!! or a boy.. you never know..... mabye its Louis!!

I heard the boys talking about my mum, i dont know what happened but i just sort of.... went over the top? before i knew it i was crying and running to my favourite park! that's where i just sat their and sung Moments... made me think of mum and Louis....

i realised i think i may be......gay.... or bi... or whatever the f*ck ! ... im not happy of that, i got raised to think it was wrong, my dad always said it was..... and now i am gay.. or bi... whatever.... but only for him... only for Louis.

Life is going to be hard, i know im not going to tell him. I bet he is straight as a ruler.... if not, starighter.... maybe he is with Harry? the way they hugged this morning which made Harry smile brighter... OH SHUT UP NIALL!! THIS ISNT GOING TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER!! oh great.. im going insane... having a go at myself in my diary.... so normal.... not.... ahhaa

well i had an amazing bath ! Now we are watching a movie, i have no idea what one... POPCORN AND SH*T IM READYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

I put my diary away in its hidden place and walked downstairs. Liam and Zayn was in the lounge so i sat next to them, "what we watching?" i asked looking up at them. "White house down, y'know? that one with Channing Tatum or whatever his name is ..." Zayn replied to me and i just nodded. Harry and Louis came into the room with popcorn and sweets. As soon as i landed my eyes on him, it was hard to get them away. He was wearing a tight white v neck top with cream shorts, something he looked hot in !

As Harry pressed play, i couldnt help but notice his smile grew bigger when he sat down...

I was on the floor with Liam and Harry was in the middle of Louisen and Zayn, hmmmm.....

We was half way throught he movie and i was falling to sleep, this movie feels like its on foreverrrrrr.....

I was quickly pulled out of my sleep state when i heard two people whispereing and laughing... great.... it just has to be those two doesnt it?!

i mentally groaned when they wouldnt shut up...... why?! when im happy for once... Larry has to get in the way..... No... wait shut up Niall!!! your just jealous !!!

Ahhhh im going insane now.... having convosations with myself... not cool....... screwed up.... but thats what love does to you i guess....

The movie had finally finishhed and i had eaten all of the popcorn. i yawned "guys, i think i might go to bed... but thank you... for everything" i mostly looked at Louis. When they all nodded or something, i headed for the kitchen grabbing myself a bottle of water. "Are you okay now... Ni...?" Whispered one of the most amazing voices i have heard, i shook my head to say 'yes' and whispered a small thank you. "No, dont thank me. i did it because i wanted to. You did look pretty upset too... just trying to look out for my mate...." He whispered.....'Mate' thats all i will ever be.

I smiled at him and said another thank you. I headed up to my room and flopped onto my bed. Why is love so hard? Without Louis, my life feels incomplete...