Falling down into the pit -Nouis AU

Chapter 13

-Recap-
Niall's POV

"You can never hurt me again" And just like that, my mum was gone once again.

-----

I woke up, slowly opening my eys as tears rushing down my face like a waterfall. I bought my hand up to my face and tried rubbing the tears away, that was only replaced with new ones. A broken sob racked my body and i let it out, like letting a dog out of a cage in the mornings. I miss her so much.... i thought to myself as i replayed the dream in my head, i swear my mum is reaching out to me somehow......And that song....

Another broken sob left my mouth, coming out strangled and malfunctioned. 
-End of recap-

Niall's POV

3:45PM and i was sitting here sobbing while everyone else slept, lucky bastards. But then again, there mum isnt dead.... Thinking that just made me sob harder than before.

I heard the door squeek open indicating someone was standing there and probably heard me. I tried to muffle my sobs as best as i could, but i already knew it was no use.
I felt the bed dip down a little meaning someone had sat down next to me, and i felt arms wrap themselves around me securly. 

"Shhhh" They whispered as one hand started running through my hair, trying to get me to calm down. I could tell who it was by the touch, it was Louis.  "Shhh everything will be okay" he whispered to me over and over. I need to tell him... i know i do...

"Louis.. nothing's okay..." I whispered, my voice cracking and breaking at the end of my sentance. I snuggled into him, begging for warmth and comfort which i was greeted with straight away. "What d' ya mean Ni?" Lou asked me, concern lacing his voice.... Well here goes nothing...

"My mum......s-s-she ... d-died...a month ago...." I whispered and broke down into my sobs. I felt him do nothing, which meant he was in a matter of shock.

After what felt like hours and what felt like millions o sobs later, Louis finally reacted to the information I had just stuttered out to him. I felt his arm around me get tighter and he started to whisper into my ear. "Ni... Niall... Look at me.." his voice filled my ears and when I didn't do what he wanted, he put his long, slim finger under my chin and lifted it so I was now looking into his beautiful, unique Caribbean orbs.

"It wasn't your fault, so don't ever go blaming yourself on something which couldn't have been stopped. I am so sorry for what happened to your mum, but I'm sure she loves you to pieces and is watching over you right now, proud, happily and with love. You know im always here for you right? Even if it is half 3 in the morning and im fast asleep, im still here for you." My sobbing calmed down as he kept whispering sweetly to me.

"You should have said something sooner. You shouldn't have to deal with the death of a loved one all on your own, its hard. Everything will be okay, even if it seems like it isn't right now, it will be. You will be happy in the end, and if you not happy? Well then it isn't the end" I cuddled into Louis more, loving the feeling of his arms around me making me feel protected and loved by my boyfriend. I peered up to Louis after he finished his little....speech...

"Thank you..." I whispered back to him in reply, looking directly back into his amazing orbs and before I knew it, his lips came down onto mine.

It wasn't fast and desperate but more like slow and passionate filled with love and care which we both had towards each other, a mutual feeling. My heart fluttered at what was happening and the intense feeling of love that was thrown in my direction.

Soon enough, I pulled away sadly to catch my breath back. It seemed like Louis had the same idea as me. He wrapped his arms back around me and I melted into his embrace, falling into a dreamless sleep.

*****************

I woke up in a cold bed, alone.
Where is Louis? I thought to myself as I opened my eyes slowly and looked around the room. I had no idea why I had woken up from my blissful state, but I was still tired and felt like absolute rubbish. I slowly got up out of bed and slipped on some warm socks before walking out into the kitchen- lounge where Harry and Louis was.
I must have stood there for at least 5 minutes yet none of them had noticed me at all.....

I slowly walked into the kitchen and started to get myself a drink of cool water as I felt sick and like sh*t. "Hey Nialllllll" Louis called out to me with a sweet smile on his face, but me being in the mood that I was in, ignored him and walked back into the bedroom. As I walked past the boys, I noticed the time was half 3 in the afternoon and Louis was still smiling at me sweetly.
I don't really care that it's half 3, I just wanna sleep. Have you ever felt like that? So tired, sick, numb, hot that it's like you don't care and don't respond to others? Well that's what I feel right now...

I slipped into my bed and put my drink on the bedside table after I had took a few gulps out of it, not feeling and different from others. I just wanted to sleep, yet I felt like a lobster being cooked for a meal. I turned the fan (which the hotel luckily had) up to full blast and set it on my face, creating a crazy, strong gust of cool air on my face which felt like paradise. I might be feeling like this because of all the crying last night, or it could just be because I'm worried. Worried that Louis will tell others, and they will just laugh at me.

Maybe if I did it again, this sickness will past. Just thinking about it makes me want to do it again feel the sensation.

(TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!! Please, if you don't like These kind of parts, skip through to the end.)

Before I knew it, I was at the bathroom with a silver object in hand.

This silver object was known as my blade, my way of expressing emotions, this blade had become a part of me now. And I know that I will be seeing this buddy a lot more.

I lifted my arm up and dragged the blade harshly across my skin, making blood appear from the spot and forming and blobs.

That's for being fat.

I thought as I did it again and again over and over right next to each other. Whispering out loud why it was there.

"For being ugly"

"Stupid"

"Worthless"

"Pathetic"

"idiot"

"And.......................Attention Seeker...... like Harry said."

In total I had created 30 cuts, 15 on one arm and 15 on the other, all for different and true reasons. I Pulled my sleeves down and put the razor back in it's place in the bathroom. I slowly walked back into the bedroom and got into my bed.

(TRIGGER WARNING OVER)

Why did he pick me ? Why does Louis love me? I'm just the Irish member of the band. While Harry is the sexy one, Zayn is the mysterious one, Louis the joker, Liam the daddy, then me...... Just the Irish one, nothing special.....