K I D N A P P E D - P H A N A U

Chapter Twenty-Two

(Trigger Warning: Suicide)

Phil knew something was wrong as soon as he left the house, but he had to go to work.

He was on edge the whole day. He wasn't actually working with any patients, but he was doing paperwork. Everyone around him knew he was nervous. He would click his pen, tap his pencil against his desk, bounce his leg, and even more.

Marie walked up to him while he was typing a report. "Hey, Phil, are you okay?" she asked.

Phil looked at her. "I don't know... I'm just nervous about Dan," he admitted.

Marie nodded. "Okay, well, finish that report and we'll let you leave early," she said with a smile.

Phil returned it. "Thank you," he said. He went back to typing, trying to finish as fast as he could.

Just as he finished and stood up, he got a phone call from his dad. "Hello?" he asked as he answered it.

"Phil, I'm on my way to Maudsley. I'm picking you up," James said firmly and urgently.

"Dad, what's wrong?" Phil asked quickly, picking up his backpack and walking outside. He had a terrible feeling in his chest that this had something to do with Dan.

"We're getting out of the house," James said. He sounded nervous.

"What? But Dan's there by himself," Phil said in confusion. James's cruiser pulled up in front of him and he ended the call.

"Get in," he said firmly. Phil obeyed and got into the car. He turned to James.

"What's going on?" he asked, crossing his arms.

"I-It's Dan," James said, starting to drive. He didn't look at Phil.

Phil's heart dropped. "What?" he asked quietly. "What happened?" He unfolded his arms and stared at his dad.

"He..." James took a deep breath and closed his eyes momentarily. He opened them and looked at Phil. "He's dead."

Everything stopped. Phil couldn't breathe, he couldn't move, and it felt like his heart had just shattered into a million pieces.

"What?" Phil asked quietly, his voice barely audible. James sighed and pulled the car over to the side of the road.

"Dan's dead. He.. He got a gun and shot himself," James said, looking at the steering wheel. "I believe he also tried overdosing."

Phil had tears running down his cheeks, but he couldn't move. "No," he whispered. "No, no, you're lying. He's alive!" he said, shaking his head and crying harder. He didn't want to believe it.

"It's true," James said. "I would never lie to you about something like this."

"I want to see him," Phil said, looking up at James.

"Phil, they're taking his body out of-"

"I don't care! Take me to the house right now. I want to see him," Phil said firmly.

James sighed in defeat. "Fine," he said. "But you're not going to like what you see."

James pulled the car and started speeding to their house. He turned on his sirens so people would get out of his way. Phil was still freaking out.

They soon arrived a their house. There was police tape and ambulances surrounding the driveway. A few people were looking in, wondering what happened.

As soon as the cruiser stopped out the side of the road, Phil ran out. He pushed through the tape and looked around.

One of the paramedics walked up to him. "Sir, you can't be h-"

"This is my house. Dan was my boyfriend. Where is he?" Phil asked, glaring at him. James ran up behind him and nodded to the paramedic.

He sighed and looked at Phil. "He's over here," he said, pointing to a stretcher near one of the ambulances. On it was something covered with a white cloth, which had blood on it.

Phil ran over to it, a fresh wave of tears erupting from his eyes. He pulled the cloth away from what he figured was the head, and gasped audibly.

Dan looked peaceful. His chocolate eyes had been closed and he was pale. He had tear stains going down his cheeks. The sight made Phil cry harder. He slowly pulled the cloth down more, revealing Dan's bloodied chest. Phil covered his mouth and tried not to collapse. He was in denial, but he knew exactly what he was seeing.

Dan was dead.

And it was all his fault.

Suddenly, Phil couldn't breathe. All he knew was he was running. The only thing he could hear was the blood pumping through his veins, and it was suffocating. He wanted Dan's comforting arms around him. He wanted to hear his voice saying that everything would be alright.

He just wanted Dan back.

Phil ran into James, who made sure he didn't fall. Phil was a sobbing mess, and he collapsed into his father's arms and completely broke down.

-

The funeral was terrible. People dressed in all black would walk up to Phil, saying how sorry they were that he was gone. Dan's father hadn't even shown up, but his mother had. Phil didn't dare go up to her and say anything, since she looked too upset.

Phil's heart physically hurt. It hadn't stopped hurting since he saw Dan for the last time on that stretcher. He looked up at the casket, which was closed, since no one wanted to see how pale and dead he looked. He bit his lip and tried not to start crying again. He missed Dan more than he thought was humanly possible.

He wanted his pain to end.

He wanted to be with Dan again.

"Dad, I-I need to leave," Phil said quietly as he walked up to James. He had tears in his eyes and he looked like he was about to break down again.

James took one look at him and understood. He nodded and said, "Okay, Phil, that's fine. I'll see you back at the house." He gave him a tight hug, which only made it worse.

Phil walked out to his car and got in. He quickly rifled through the glove compartment, trying to find his bottle of painkillers that he used to keep in there.

He soon found them and downed the whole bottle.

He turned on the ignition, not even bothering to buckle up his seatbelt. He didn't care anymore.

Phil drove in the opposite direction of his house. He felt dizzy, and he didn't entirely know where he was going. Everything around him was blurred, and he couldn't tell if it was because of the tears or the pills. He didn't really care which one it was.

He suddenly saw another coming towards him. He didn't realize he had gone over to the other lane. He swerved, driving his car into the woods.

The trees weren't thick enough or tall enough to stop the car, but the ditch at the end was. Phil crashed through trees and bushes, his foot pressing the pedal to the floor of the car. 

He flew over the edge, screaming in pain as the car crashed and crushed his legs along with the front of his car. He cried as his chest hit the steering wheel, and his hands flew forward to get covered in shards of glass. He cried in pain, since it was all he could feel.

Phil looked up and saw Dan smiling at him. He walked toward the crashed car and reached his hand through the window to touch Phil.

The minute they touched, Phil went limp against his steering wheel. His eyes glazed over, and he somewhat looked at peace.

Philip Michael Lester was dead.