Crazy Love

Chapter 11: I Thought About You Everyday

*Riley's POV*

White. That's all I saw.

White walls, white bed, white curtains.

I was surrounded by white. The only color was the light hardwood floor below me and the clothes I got to bring from home. I've been waking up in this same white walled room for a month now. I go to support group everyday for eleven in the morning. I long for the day when I get to go home again. 

I didn't hate my parents for bringing me here, but I didn't like them either. I know Connor tried to talk them out of it but they're my parents and they think they know what's good for me. Sometimes my mind drifts off to Andy. Does she know I'm here? 

I stared straight up at the white ceiling above me and then turned my head to the alarm clock beside me, 10:30AM. I sighed and lifted myself out of bed. I through on a pair of denim jeans and a black crewneck. I made my way downstairs to the meeting room where the support groups are held. I walked in and took a seat next to Jim. 

Jim was my favorite person at the hospital. He was in here for depression just like me. He attempted suicide three times. His first try he tried hanging himself, just like me except he tried to do it in the comfort of his own home. His second try he downed an entire bottle of pills. That caused him to be rushed to the hospital and have his stomach pumped to remove the overdosed pills. His third try he slit his wrists, both of them. He almost bled out but his daughter came home just in time. His daughter found him all three times. Sometimes I think if she'll grow up and have the same problems as her father just because she had to see him like that. I wonder if she's okay. One day I asked Jim why he tried so many times to kill himself. He looked at me and said, "What's the point of living if life just sets you up to die anyway?" That stuck in my head and he also said, "A boy your age shouldn't be trying to kill himself. You haven't experienced enough of life. There's a whole world out there. A bucket full of opportunities yet." Sometimes I think Jim is more than depressed. Before he was sent to the hospital he was in jail two times. The first time was for stealing over the counter drugs from a pharmacy. The second he doesn't really talk about but that's what landed him in this hospital. I think he might've killed someone. 

I sat in support group quiet and slouched back in my chair. There were a total of twelve. We all sat in one big circle. If someone overcame something or said they felt better we would all clap and congratulate them, but not me, I didn't, I wouldn't. The doctor went around the room everyday and each of us had to say our name, age, and our story. I didn't understand why. I've been here a month shouldn't everyone know that information by now? 

I barely listened until it got to me. I sat up straight in my chair and rubbed my hands on my thighs. 

"I'm Riley," I started, "I'm eighteen years old and I tried to kill myself in the boys locker room at my school three years ago." 

"And how do you feel today, Riley?" The doctor asked me. 

I hesitated at first, "I don't really know?" I trailed off, "I met this girl a few weeks ago. I was fine until I met her. My panick attacks and the feelings I used to have about myself didn't come back until I met her. It's like she's the one who makes me crazy, it doesn't matter if I'm with her or not."

*Connor's POV*

It's been a month since Riley left and Toby has made little to know conversation with me. I've went to visit Riley about five times since he's been there. It's hard to visit him because he's always in support groups. The times that I did go see Riley he looked worse than when he left. He was paler, skinnier, and dark circles had formed under his eyes. 

I walked downstairs to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of orange juice. I took a sip of it and then heard a knock at the door. Who would be here at 10 o'clock in the morning? I sat the cup of orange juice down and made my way to the door.