Driving Life!!

Pain

Alina
I had many reasons to panic if I had to list :
1) My aim of becoming a doctor was lost and completely set aside
2) My photos were on internet that including my topless photo which I dont know why I sent.It was madness in Haribs's love.
3) My social life was ended.
4) My only friend had decieved me.Harib had done harm to my soul.His lies had ruin my life.
5) I had no faith in Allah.In anyone not even myself.
6) I was not the one driving my life.
7) I had no true friends.
8) My relatives now hated me due to my photos and my failure.
9) I was lost.
10) I was sick
11) Thought of loosing my father was sickning me more even though I had him alive but Harib's lie had made me so insecure as if I was about to leave my dad.
12) questioning eyes
I could not give my problems a count.I was sick. I was on tranquilizers but even they failed to compose my soul.

I was lost in the darkness.I was lost in hopelessness.It was a dark room and there I was so lonely and depressed. My younger sisters and my parents tried their best to make me feel at ease by saying it was all destined to be like that.

What destiny is? What destiny is? Destiny was my sickness Destiny was my failure or my failure was my destiny. I had many questions but to whom should I ask.

I panicked and panicked again.I lost my health,my tranquility,my peace and my soul.

I only felt good when I talked to my mother. She soothed me. She hugged me. I noticed my mother has started praying more.

Whenever she came to me she was in head scarf and tasbeeh in hand.

One day she came and amazed me by saying wake up its your appointment with country's renowned psycatrist.I yelled and said,"leave me to my own self."
But she said,"you have to live for me,for us,for yor family.We trust you honey."

I realised she was firm in her decision and I walked behind her as a body without soul.I walked without my will.I had lost my will. I had lost everything..

My psychologist was Mr.Hayat. When I entered his clinic without my will. I was just a skeleton. I noticed Mr. Hayat coming from the other room into the waiting room where I was seated with my mom. My mom introduced me to him. I was surprised to see a renowned psycatrist at such a young age. He seemed to be only 35 years with beautiful white glowing skin.He had golden brown hair and a beard too. He was wearing Brown coat pent which depicted him as a gentleman.
I saw him with my eyes as if I hadn't seen any unfamiliar face since ages and that was true it was six months passed the incident of MCAT and till then I didn't remember any unknown face.
I recalled seeing myself in the mirror. I was so lost. The mirror at hus clinic was just where I was sitting. I couldn't focus. I couldn't tell it was me. I was so ugly.. My deeds were ugly. I deserved to be that way.
My psychologist Mr. Hayat waved a hand infront of my eyes taking me back from my thoughts to his clinic. Here I was in a beautifully decorated interior and vibrant colours surrounding me.Mr. Hayat said,"Sorry you had to wait long because I was offering prayers."
I went back to my thoughts Oh prayers!! I hadn't offered a single prayer whole that year. I was so busy I guess.

*writer*
sorry people m writing slowly and small chapters but please continue reading. It will be great experience inshaAllah. I have two kids who keep me busy but whatever I am doing Alina is on my head :D
even when m changing diapers of my kids m thinking whats happening next!! :D
keep reading and motivating :)