Solitaire

3:03am

Solitaire

3:03am

Wait, can I swim? Wait, I CAN'T!

Oh wait, I can.

The cold water is like icicles stabbing every square millimeter of my vulnerable body. It flies through my clothes and up my nose and mouth and into my eyes and then Damien slips out of my hands and it feels like I'm sinking, slowly, into the abyss... Never to be seen again... 

Goodbye, cruel world...

I open my eyes and see the dark, cold, murky, dirty water of the lake or river or pond or puddle or whatever I've just jumped in. My arms are held up, my legs at awkward angles as I slowly sink. Will I even float to the surface?

It's so cold.

I swear, out of all the things I've been through in my life, I have never been this cold. Never, ever. I can't even describe it, its...

I can't breath.

It's like there's a balloon inside my lungs, a freaking cold ice cube balloon, slowly expanding. I'm trying to breath, take in air but there is none and this balloon is getting bigger and bigger...

I cough, trying to throw up the balloon but more water just goes in. My throat stings like acid has just been poured down and I close my eyes from the cold. I just need to die here. There's nothing left for me up there, anyway. I belong down here. There is nothing left for me up there. No one needs me. I am better off here. Who appreciates me, anyway?

Damien...

Well, maybe...

Saul...

I mean, I guess I could...

Queb...

I guess...

Maurice...

Um, ew, no.

Kurt...

Okay. 

And so I move my arms and legs and start to pull myself to the surface. The cold is restraining me and it feels like I'm sinking into cement. I'm trying my best, but I'm barely moving. And the fact that I can't breath is really helping a lot, really. Honestly. Right.

I force my eyes open and then I see Damien! He's kicking and moving his arms a few feet away from me, trying to swim to the top. He's a bit higher than me and I don't think that he can see me from here. Should I go towards him?

"DAMIEN!" I scream. 

Just kidding. I'm under water, remember? I was just testing you, to make sure you're paying attention. Anyway.

I start to wave my hands back and forth so he can see me. I try to scream, but I keep my mouth shut and go, "MMMMMMMMM!!!" the muffled sound waves ripple across the water and he turns and looks at me, his white blonde hair moving slowly with the water. His shirt is kind of up, so I can kind of see his chest, I guess that's nice but I realize the book he smuggled in there is falling out!

So I point at the book, and he reaches for it and gives me a thumbs up. That's cute. We're under water.

My lungs can't take it anymore. I have to get out of here or just die.

I look at Damien and try to tell him I won't be able to make it. But his eyes are shut and he looks so cold. I am so cold too. Am I going to make it out of here?

I don't know. I honestly don't. 

So I let myself be.