lets forget the past

sanyukta's pov

I was driving , lost in my thoughts again dont worry i have full concentration on the road , *i am a multi tasker * my brain said , i looked at randhir he had dosed off , he was so cute , caring and sweet , whoever will have him as her better half would be the luckiest girl in the whole milky way galaxy , i wish i could be but somethings are not meant to be , i am not trying to be filmy , but thats the truth , i cant be with him , thats not possible , a tear trickled down my face , *shoot!* my brain exclaimed , i quickly wiped it off and looked at randhir , thank god he didnt notice , or else he would have been worried for no reason , at times i feel i am way too selfish , i told him to never leave me , infact i threatened him , i am such a b**ch , god punish me soon for my deeds , we reached randhir's house , i looked at him he was literally snoring , such a kid he was , i looked up at the back mirror and quickly wiped off all the tear stains , i woke him up , he stirred a bit and said , "2 minutes mom"he said ,  i chuckled looking at him , but suddenly i fell short of breath , thinking about mom , i was feeling guilty , weird , scared , insecure , i quickly took a pill and gulped it down in a go ....phew...that was close , if he would have noticed it , it would have been a huge problem , i looked at him he had encircled my arm , i jerked him a bit , he quickly woke up , looking here and there , he looked at our hands , quickly left it and started ..... blushing ?? *Oh how cute * my mind exclaimed , " ron you have reached your home " i said , "ya " he said and looked outside , " you wanna stay over ?" He asked with hope in his eyes , i wish i could but i cant , i nodded a no , he was sad , i always said a no , but what can i do , i have to stay at home , its important for me , "sorry" i chipped , "its ok " he said in a low voice , i hugged him tightly , he was being so sweet and me being a b**ch , said a no , i am such an a**hole , i want to kill myself , he smiled and said , "you are actually pretty cute " he said with a really cute smile , i frowned , he does not know the real me yet , that time when he will come to know , i am sure , he'll call me a b**ch , " i am not " i said , "you are " he said , he pecked my hand and quickly ran away , *he is such a kid , anyone will fall for his child like antics , he is really cute !!!* my heart exclaimed with joy , i pecked the area he pecked me , i wish i could be his love , but that cant ever be true ..... i started my car ,crying all the way to home...

I entered in , my house was small , it had two rooms , both of them up the staircase , a kitchen and a dining area , with a mini garden ,on the ground floor , it was empty as usual , the walls were white , i hated looking at it , i went in my room , the walls of room were red and black , and dark just as me , i just cried my heart out the whole night , feeling guilty , regretting things , i wanted things to be normal , i was frustrated again , i went to the bathroom , locked the door, took out a blade, and made a pretty deep and a long cut on my waist , okay that was way too deep , I rushed to take the first aid , I plastered it all around my waist , okay seriously , it was bleeding too much , I already had cuts all over my body , making me look ugly af , I wore my shirt , and went over to the medical store to get some cream to apply it , I came back , did all the required dressing , cleaned the bathroom floor , and went to bed , "aahh!!" I exclaimed in pain , I cried again , and don't know when exactly I fell asleep

Guys now you can guess , what were the reasons behind the scars , :'( , ok it's a really dark ff but a really good story , please vote , and yes please don't get offended by the character .