i want to be me not your puppet

chapter 9 where? why? how?

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*Alex's p.o.v*

its been a week since everything happened. since mum died. since colt left. i havent heard from her and i havent tryed to contact her. its weird without having mum here even when she was in the hospital she was still here it was like i could feel her but now...its just empty. and without colt...its weird i hated her but i think they days when she sat beside me trying to talk to me and then the date and the kiss...i think i may have fallen in love with her. but i was just so angry that day i dont think i'll ever get her back. iv lost two of the three most important people in my life in a week.

i cry myself to sleep every night thinking of my mother and every morning i wake up and act like nothing happened like im strong like every breath,every move i make doesnt hurt. and dad...he's dealing but i can still see the pain in his eyes. i still hear him at night. but everytime i bring mum up he tells me not to worry and walks away. the funeral was today watching someone you love get put in a hole in the ground in a box is...horrific dad pulled me close tell me it was going to be okay we would get through this...but i dont think we will.

*Colt's p.o.v*

a week has gone by not one phone call from her not even a text. i wanted to call or text her i really did but i couldn't after everything in the hospital everything in my body was telling me to walk away, move on. but my heart...was telling me to go after her. but i knew if she really wants me or even needs me she would have called...i think.

"colt? can you answer my question?"mr birk asked breaking my thoughts. today was my first day back after the hospital and things really werent going well.it was alex's mums funeral yesterday so i knew i wouldnt see her to day and it wasnt helping as my temper kept popping up.

"if i could answer you question i would have done it the first time you asked me you idiot"i answer in a snarky tone. mr.brik's face flushing red as kids laugh.

"this is my classroom and you will show me some respect now get out!"he shouted at me pointing towards the door. the kids that were laughing stopped ovbiously shocked at his out burst.

"with fucking pleasure"i sigh smiling pushing past him out the classroom. 'where do i go now' i pull out my phone scrolling down the names...jacob 'eww' jessie 'nope' jenny 'nice but nope' jenna...i press call quickly putting the phone to my ear it rings twice before someone answers.

"hello?"a voice i reconise as jennas sounds through the phone.

"hey...uh its colt you know from the party a couple of weeks ago?"i say unsure if she'll remember me. its very rare that i call girls back so i wasnt sure how this was going to go.

"oh yeah i remember s'up?"she says sounding curious.

"i actually need..."i stopped. what did i need? i needed someone to talk to. someone who wont go running round telling people someone who wont judge me. "uh want to hang out?"i change my mind.

"sure when and where?"she asks.

"uh.."fuck "um...are you busy now?"i say trying to think.

"nope...you want to come over to mine?"she suggested.

"yeah uh that would be great"i said a bit to enthusiasticly.

"cool i'll text you the adress see you soon"jenna said sounding excited.

"cool bye"i say before hanging up. i knew i was about to regret what i was planning to do but i needed to forget. forget football,basketball,rugby and...alex. and i knew jenna wouldnt question it.me.