Journey's Child

4

The clacking of the tires awakens me from my nap. I moan as light then shadow flash over the back seat of our Taurus station wagon. As I open my eyes a sharp pain in my head makes me close them again. I try opening just one eye but all I can see that way is that we are on a bridge.

"Where are we?"

"We just passed Florence! We're almost there!" my mom exclaims as if leading a cheerleader chant.

*

In the weeks that followed the accident, I noticed that my mom slipped away into a sad place that took most of her attention. I tried acting normal, happy, sad, even quiet, in hopes that she'd notice me - but nothing worked. My mom drank wine every night saying it helped her to sleep. She woke up late in the morning usually uninterested in anything.

I didn't go back for the last ten days of school. Instead I rattled around the house with my mother who was usually in a zombie state.

I only had a few days with Susannah after school let out. Her family left on the third day to visit relatives and go to Disneyland. With her life continuing as planned and mine ripped apart, I felt like fate was dealing me just one more crushing blow.

My uphill battle was further stressed by many adults, some friends and some relatives, who showed up to comfort my mother and guzzle down ungodly amounts of alcohol. Having never been confronted with death before, I couldn't understand the 'party' atmosphere that was maintained at constant levels for days on end. I often found myself taken into someone's confidence as they reminded me with slurred speeches, to take care of my mom and to remember that she had just suffered a terrible loss. I learned to stay clear of those do-gooders by hanging out in my room or at Susannah's when she was home.

It took a few days after the funeral for the last of the drunk mourners to finally leave. My mom slowly came out of her fog and we were able to break free from the heavy weight that had pressed down on us since the accident. At last, it felt like we could move again.

Much to my dismay, my mother's next move was a big one. She decided to run off for the entire summer to the Oregon coast. Having written for her college paper, like a hundred years ago, she got it in her head that she could write a novel or at least start one if she settled herself into a seaside art community. I was an unwilling hostage to her plans. I had to leave my home and my best friend and try to survive without knowing anyone. My fear of going to a strange place far away filled me with anxiety.

*

I lie back on my pillow, and think about a book I saw on the bookcase at home, 'Stranger in a Strange Land'. I wish I'd taken the time to read it. Maybe it would have had some tips for me.

"Don't you want to climb up here and see where we're going to be living for the next couple of months?"

With nothing better to do I climb into the front seat next to my mom.

"Seat belt, Gilly'"

"I know," I reply, all the while moving in slow motion. "Look! The Sea Lion Caves! Can we go?" It's the first interesting thing I've seen on this long boring trip.

My mother smiles over at me. "Maybe after we get settled. In a few days, we can come back."

"Okay," I say flatly, feeling disappointed.

"I saw a sand dune recreational area back a little further," my mother continues hoping to keep my spirits up. "We should definitely explore that too."

I smile with renewed hope that maybe this won't be so bad after all. I should have known better...

\KP