Journey's Child

14

On my way back to the cottage, I thought about my run-in with the stranger. He hadn't actually seemed upset with me. I wished I'd looked at his face. His voice sounded nice. Not gravelly or rough. I was more curious than ever.

I sat on the beach and read some more. It was a story about a boy who felt alone because he didn't fit in. Unlike me, he befriended other kids who didn't fit in either. I realized I wasn't going to have any friends to share my summer with.

As if on cue, I heard Debbie call out, "Hey Gilly, what are you doing?"

I looked up to see her and Ben walking towards me.

"What are you reading?" Ben asked when they got closer.

I held up the book so he could read the title.

"Is it any good?" he asked.

Before I could answer, Debbie interrupted. "So which one is yours?" she asked pointing to the cottages.

I shrugged and asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I've never been in one of those cottages," she said as if she were holding her nose. "We came to see if you would show us."

"I just came to say 'hi'," Ben said looking a little bit ashamed.

I felt put on the spot. I wasn't about to take them anywhere near my private hell. Debbie was smirking, obviously enjoying my discomfort. That's when it came to me. It was like the stranger was standing beside me, telling me what to say. I looked straight at her and said, "I don't like people on my property. There's nothing there for you to see."

She laughed a little too loud and said, "Well if you're too embarrassed to show us, I understand."

"Let's go," Ben said, still looking uncomfortable.

"Okay," Debbie agreed. "Maybe some other time. See you around, Gilly."

They walked off with Debbie putting her arm around Ben's shoulders. I didn't like the way she said see you around. It always sounded like a threat. The worse part of running into them was how alone and awkward they made me feel. As if there weren't enough bad things going on in my life already.

That was my worse day of the summer, so far. It was late July, there would be others, but at that moment I wanted to crawl inside myself and disappear forever.

I went back up to the cottage around 7:00 to see about having some dinner. I was greeted by stuffy warm air and an eerie silence. Before I shouted out for my mother, I saw the note lying on top of the growing pile of papers on the kitchen table.

Gilly, I went out for a while. Lock the door and don't open it for anyone. I will be home later. See you in the morning. Love, Mom.

A strong feeling of sadness exploded in my chest. I was always going to be alone. I felt hopeless. I walked into the kitchen and realized that I wasn't hungry any more. I got a juice glass and filled it with wine from the open bottle on the counter and went to my room to write in my journal.

I slept soundly that night. I didn't hear my mother when she came in.

*

I didn't see her in the morning. She never got up before noon anymore and I made sure I was out of the cottage by then. Last night I decided I was going to the top of the hill where the stranger lived. I didn't care if he killed me or if his dog ate me. I almost wished one of those things would happen. I hated this place, I hated my mother and I hated my life.

As I stood at the foot of the path, fear sat in my stomach like a rock. I wasn't as sure now, as I was last night in the safety of my room. I knew if I went looking for the stranger, I was going into an unwelcome area. I worried I was doing the wrong thing. I was unwanted there and shouldn't bother the man. After all, he had as much as told me to stay away. Then it came to me that I wasn't wanted anywhere. There wasn't a place in this whole dumb town that made me feel welcome. I sucked in a deep breath and let it out. I took one step then another, as I began my journey up the path.

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