Journey's Child

28

My mom and I both ordered French Dip sandwiches and vanilla shakes. I was happy to see her eating again. She had lost her appetite since the accident and her clothes were beginning to hang on her.

We talked about our plans for returning home. Even though I was sad about leaving Drakes Harbor and Thad, I was excited to see Susannah and start middle school. My mom felt she had a good start on a book about beginning over after tragedy and she was excited that she had a friend at a publishing house ready to look it over.

I watched as she told me about her hopes for writing more stories filled with life and adventure. She talked, making broad strokes with her hands as her cheeks blushed with color and her eyes sparkled in a way I hadn't seen for months.

When we walked out into the evening, the cold damp air swirled around us.

"Burr!" my mother exclaimed.

I ignored her protest of the cool evening air and continued telling her about a pair of jeans that I wanted to get for school.

"They have embroidery on the back pockets and..."

I suddenly realized my mother had stopped walking and was several feet behind me.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

She stood silent and the rosy color in her cheeks along with her happy expression had been wiped away by an invisible cloth.

I walked back to her and grabbed her hand. "Mom what's wrong?"

She blinked several times and looked at me with a blank stare. It took a little time for her to focus on my face, but finally she came around.

"Nothing. It's okay, Gilly." She looked up and down the street then gave me a weak smile. "Let's get back to the cottage."

I realized that she never called the cottage 'home' either. I was glad we were finally within a couple of days of really being somewhere we could call home again.

*

Half- filled suitcases and bags greeted us when we arrived inside the warm cottage.

"There's always so much more to pack at the end of a vacation," my mom complained. "Well we can give the food to Thad and leave most of the kitchen gadgets here," she said more to herself than to me.

"Mom?"

"What honey?"

"What happened back there in town? Did something scare you?"

She looked at me for a while, probably trying to decide whether to tell me or not.

"Gilly, come here."

I walked over to her and she put her hands on my shoulders. I looked up at her and she held my eyes with hers.

"I thought for just a split second that I saw Tom."

My expression must have changed to show the fear I immediately felt.

"Gilly, I just imagined it. He wasn't really there. It was getting dark and the lights were reflecting in the widows. He wasn't there, okay?"

I slowly nodded my head, but I wasn't as sure as she was.

"I would know if he was in town, because Jerry at the wine shop is keeping an eye out for him. Jerry would let me know if he was anywhere near here."

"Okay," I agreed, feeling a little bit better.

Since we were leaving the day after tomorrow most of our things were in suitcases and paper bags. It seemed to me that the more packed up we were the safer my mother felt. There had been a strange and powerful change in her since Tom had come back, and it made me feel frightened and tense.

We both settled in our rooms for the night; me reading and my mom writing in one of her journals.

I read and re-read a part of 'The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe' where Aslan rose from the attack on him and promised the children that he would always be with them in spirit. Although it wasn't enough, I realized that like them, having known Thad had changed me in a way that I too would always have with me.

I went to say good night to my mom before I fell asleep.

"What's wrong?" my mom asked, looking up at me over her journal.

"Nothing, I just came to say good night."

"Good night, Gilly," she replied and held her arms out for a hug.

"Just one more night," I offered in a shaky voice, suddenly feeling like I might start crying.

"Gilly, we're not saying goodbye forever. We can come back again - of course we won't stay here," she said as she looked around with an unpleasant expression. We both laughed. I think we would always have a soft spot for the cottage where we slowly healed from the pain, loss and heartache that we brought with us. I thought to myself that my mother was wrong about there being so much more to pack at the end of a vacation. We had come here with a heavy load of grief and we were leaving with much less of it to carry home.

"You know," she said as she put her arm around me, "Thad is going to be coming to the Bay Area in October and he's invited us to have dinner with him."

"Really?" I asked feeling as excited as if it were Christmas morning.

"Yes really. Now go to bed, we have a big day coming up."

"Night mom, I love you."

"I love you too, Gilly."

I fell into an easy sleep knowing that I wouldn't have to say goodbye to Thad - but a restless wind blew through my dreams scattering images of waves and star fish, Captain and the large gnarly tree. I saw Ben who was trying to tell me something but I couldn't hear him. He looked scared and I felt whatever he wanted to say was urgent. Then I found my mother standing on the edge of the cliff by the rocks on the way up to Thad's house. Although I couldn't see him, I could hear Captain barking over the groan of the wind. I was terrified that my mother might fall, then I was next to her and we were both frightened. The wind was pushing us towards the edge and we were crying and clinging to each other. A strong gust hit me and I jerked awake. I lay perfectly still, waiting for my heart to slow down. I couldn't remember ever being that afraid.

Finally, I was able to sit up and take in the room which was filled with a gray film from the dim sun fighting to project itself through the fog bank that had settled over Drakes Harbor during the night. 

This is our last full day here, I thought to myself.

It's funny how a day can start out and you know what it will hold because you've planned it out in your head. Well, sometimes it takes a whole new turn that you couldn't imagine in a million years. If I had known it was going to be one of those days, I would never have gotten out of bed.

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