The Trapped Ones.

14. Live or Love?

"Maybe my passion just ain't enough

I can't feel that you love me,

I can't feel that you love me. - PARTYNEXTDOOR.

Raina

"Where were you?" I had been waiting all night for Bryan to come home, this had to be the seventh time out of the month that he'd show up late from 'work'. I stared a hole into the side of his face as he tried to maneuver through the house without answering my lingering question. He walked to the kitchen as I raced him there. I wanted answers and I wanted them now! No if, ands, or buts, about it. He opened the fridge looking for what I'm guessing was the food I had cooked hours ago. He found the saran wrapped plate, unwrapped it and stuck it into the microwave. I stood there stunned at his nonchalant attitude, waiting for anything, a response, a look, something. "So your just going to act like I didn't just ask you a question." I said too calmly. He watched the microwave heat his food up not paying me any attention. I could feel the anger growing inside. 

"Bryan, I know I ain't talking to myself!" I yelled sightly. He cut a piece of the lasagna with his fork and stuck it in his mouth. As soon as he was about to take another forkful, I grabbed the fork from him and threw the food on the floor. "What the fuck Rai?" He yelled. "Why aren't you answering me?" "I just don't feel like talking, damn!" "But you can pillow talk to the bitch you was with right?" I walked away turning off the kitchen light and heading upstairs. "Lock the door behind when you leave." I threw him one more glance before making my way to my room.  I sat down on my bed rubbing my round belly and sighing. I honestly don't know where we went wrong. We found out we were still having twins, we were happy, a family. Then he got a call a couple of weeks back and started changing on me, won't even look at me anymore. I shook my head and wiped the stray tear away. "Rai, we gotta talk." 

"I'm listening." He sat down in front of me as I rubbed my stomach. He looked antsy and nervous, rubbing the back of his neck ever so gently. "I umm, I been with Briella for the past month." My blood was boiling and my veins were pumping. I wanted to wring his damn neck, but I actually wanted to entertain this asshole. "Why?" "Baby, it's not what you think. It's just that her dad wants to do this big trade. If I entertain his daughter for the rest of the month while she's here, he turns over the business to me." I laughed at the reason behind him being around that girl. "Do what you want Bryan, I ain't gon stress myself over your bullshit anymore. Leave, and don't forget to lock the door." I pulled the covers up to my neck getting cozy as he just watched me. "What?" I was now agitated and I didn't want to be. "You don't believe me do you?" "Nope. Why should I? You were in a damn relationship with the girl Bry, you think I was born last night or somethin'? I'm not that same ol' dumb, naive Raina that was in high school fightin' bitches over you. I'm a grown ass woman now with three gotdamn kids. I've matured."

"Rai--." "Tell me this, did you have sex with her?" He looked away and caressed the back of his neck. I smirked. "What? She lured you into her hotel room, tellin' you all the things I don't? Telling you that she could please you better than me, reminding you of all the memories ya'll spent together. It started out with her giving you head first didn't it? Then ya got caught up, had to get a sample of her. What? You realized what you did and you got up in the night, cursed the poor girl out, telling her she tricked you. Oh, I'm not done yet; You came home to me, ignoring my presence, eating the  home cooked meal I made for the love of my life to eat when he came home from a long day of so called work. I chuckled." Now you sitting here on my bed, looking pitiful as if I just stole your best friend." He looked me in the eyes, I wanted to slap him right across the face, but I decided against it.

"Just leave." I turned off the light and laid down, cuddling with my pregnancy pillow. He got the hint and walked out of my room and down the steps, soon I heard the door slam and I could release all the tears that were building up. I don't know why I let this man do this to me , I want to move on, but like I've said before, he's my addiction and I don't know how to let him go. I try, God knows I do, it's always something that pulls me back. Is it our past? Is it our kids? Is it the itty bit of faith I have for us?" I have no clue. Honestly for people looking in, you would think he's the worst person ever and I'm stupid for standing by him. Shit, I may just be, but to know us is to love us. I can see how people must judge us, but it's different when your actually the one in the relationship, you see what the others don't, you understand what the others won't. You learn to deal with certain things because of the four letter word we tend to throw around. That four letter word is like vomit. You don't want to throw it up, but it's hard not to. It's like second nature. We watch too many romance movies and bullshit novels. We crave the 'The Notebook' love, or some gangster movie based on him and  his ride or die holding him down. We urn for that attention. We urn for a 'Love & Basketball'  relationship so bad we'll put up with the bullshit just to say we're content. That's what many of us want, we're too picky, "my relationship gotta be like this or I gotta have a ten carat diamond engagement ring, or nigga don't talk to me if you don't make six figures." Those are all the words that come out of our mouths when we're looking for the one.  We want better, but we won't do better.  I don't want to be content anymore, but look at me. Pregnant with a man that I was content with. So who am I to judge? I'm just a statistic just like everyone else. 

Hi guys. How was this chapter?? Do you think Raina handled that pretty well or do you think she should've chewed his ass out even more?? Leave me some comments and votes! 

Love You All!

-Tushari :)