Chapter 21 - Dear Diary

1.3K 24 3
                                    

"Lilah" I hear very faintly. "Lilah" I feel nudging on my back. "Lilah you gotta get up" Those are the last words I want to hear in the morning. I roll over and see a very serious looking Harry standing over me. I guess he's not a morning person. "You gotta go" he says.

"What?" My slumber suddenly fades. He's wearing  that red plaid shirt I've seen on him a few times but it isn't buttoned up, and his hair is a big mess but I doubt he does much with it anyway.

"You have to go. Now" 

"Why?" Anger shadows my face. I sit up and use the sheet to cover the rest of my nude body to look up at him, he returns the same stare. What time is it anyway?

"Because this is my flat, and I asked you to leave" his words are blunt as a spoon, but I'll say no more. I stand up with my sheet wrapped around me and pick up my clothes from the floor to head to the bathroom to put them on. "You could just change here, it's not like I haven't seen anything" he says, but there's still this sterness in that very playful sentence. I ignore him and slam the bathroom door. How dare he. 

The space isn't very big, it's not too small but definitely not big. There's an open cabinet above the sink which is filled with little male products and even a razor pack that's not even opened. I shut it and take a look in the mirror and see that my hair is a mess so I run my hands through the blond locks only to find a bunch of knots. Ugh, I hate that but it's always like that. I look pale, maybe a bit too pale but that sometimes happens too, in the morning I mean. I should probably feel incredibly hurt by Harry, but I'm not. If he was gonna be like this in a relationship then I really don't care for his love.  Relationship? Love? No, he doesn't know the definition of those things... I'm not sure if even I know what they are. This was never going to turn into a relationship anyway, I'm angry at myself for giving into him last night but I was in a daze and no one has made me feel like that before, physically. I quickly put all my clothes on and exit the room, I almost forget to take the sheet back. I shouldn't really, by the way he's treating me but my mom always told me to be the better person. I walk back to the bedroom and see Harry's not there but I just dump the thing on the matress and head to the front door. He's in the hall right at the door and he opens it for me.

"Wow how polite of you" I say and roll my eyes, intending to sound as bitter as possible. In all honesty, last night meant nothing to me and it is cleary it meant nothing to him either. 

"I am a firm believer in ladies first" he slams the door. Geez, what the hell. I stand there for maybe about a minute just to kinda analyze everything. So several hours ago, maybe more, I was in Harry's bed and now he's kicking me out. Of course. I check my watch, it's 7:25 am, thank god I have the day off work today.

******************

Dear Diary,

He's more uneasy than the highest and fastest rollercoaster at school but I can't seem to stay away. Maybe I like the rush. the emotion... I'm not sure. He told me I'm like a tattoo, that I'm addictive and he can't stay away either. Maybe's he's beggining to feel the pain of the needle. Words can't describe how I feel about him, they literally can't. I can't even explain it in my own mind. Something happened last night... If you're re reading this you should remember. It was incredible and it almost makes me sick to think of it that way. I don't want to like him but I sort of... do... I told myself last night meant nothing but that's a goddamn lie. It's the memory that means something, not him. When I feel like we could genuinely get along he opens his mouth and ruins everything. He's just so arrogant and rude and I can never understand why and I wish I did. But I guess I'm attracted to him sexually, if he doesn't open his mouth he's a pretty thing to look at. A tattooed angel. Moms not around either, not that I would tell her any of this but still I just wish she was. This is probably the most I've missed her. I miss Erin too. I miss a lot of people. This has probably been the most exciting and terrifying month of my life and it's a bit too overwhelming.

Good Intentions - Harry Styles FanficWhere stories live. Discover now